The Wrong Way
by Chiranodoss
Summary: AU There's a fine line between fun and addiction and when that line is crossed things don't usually change for the better. However, sometimes life gives fortune when you least expect it. It all depends on whether we can acknowledge it and change for good.
1. Caress Me Down

A new story! I thought since some people were kind of rude about my last Escaflowne fanfiction, saying that I should write my own stories. So I've decided to take their advice, in a sense, so here is a new story.

Now, since I am a musician and I love them I decided to write another music oriented story. This one, however, is inspired by the lives of many musical geniuses; they're the cause of their own demise, and cannot be saved. So many musical geniuses died before they should have, but accomplished so much more than a person who would have twice as long could have.

Now, let's all take a moment to remember some of these musical miracles.

* * *

Music.

Drugs.

Sex.

Sleep.

Food.

Home.

To anyone else, this order of importance would have appeared quite peculiar but not to Van Fanel. His world centered around things that would normally rank at the extreme opposite end of the spectrum. He had been sensible at one point in his life, he was aware of that, but he no longer had the desire to chase rational dreams and function like the rest of society. He thanked both his parents for that; they had been very influential in his upbringing. It wasn't as if they were raging hippies or ravers, or extremely relaxed, they just ended up helping him choose music above financial planning.  
His mother had been nurturing but firm and somewhat oldfashioned in the way she mothered her two children. Varie Fanel had also been musician blessed with perfect pitch, which Van had inherited, but his brother did not. His father had been a mechanic and had been the one who introduced him to live music, he had also been the one to give him his first guitar.  
His childhood had been, in no way, bad, that wasn't to say that he had been the favourite, it was very clear that neither child was favoured. He was a good student with a lack of interest, but in any case he had ended up going to university for finance. That goal was lived short by a year, it finally dawned on him that music was what he needed to do, not wanted but required in order to make his life worth something.

Van was a twenty-six-year-old man who had very little money, but a miraculous talent and an abundance of drugs. A good meal ranked quite a bit lower than a good high. It wasn't to say that he was constantly on drugs or heavily depended on them, he just liked them. Above all he was content with his life, which was a lot more than many people could say.

* * *

His toes felt as if they would crawl away if he wasn't clenching them as tightly as he could. His body was heavy and molded into the couch, while his guitar rested in his arms. In his state of euphoria, when his fingers moved along the strings, it felt as if he was literally causing the music to erupt from his hands.

A dazed smile stretched across his face and his eyes glazed over, while his hands just moved along the instrument. It was as if his brain was no longer sending signals to the rest of his body, but as if they had a mind of their own.

"That's fuckin' nuts," Gaddes half-yelled as he strung all the words together in a quick blast, regarding the music Van was playing, oblivious to the volume of his voice.

"HEY!...Hey...heeeyyy," Allen yelled, gradually receeding to a breathy whisper.

Van just gave a knowing little giggle, and a subtle nodd.

Gaddes giggled --unfortunately sounding much more pre-pubescent than he wanted to-- , covering his mouth with the tips of his flexed fingers, " did you hear that Allen?" Gaddes whispered, "Van just giggled!"

"Ohhh...hey guys..." Allen gasped as he threaded his fingers through the long curtain of golden hair, "you've really got to feel my hair... it's like spun clouds..."

"GASH Allen! You tell us to touch you hair everytime..." Gaddes whined as he flailed his feet around, throwing a small pillow to the floor.

Van gave a stupid laugh, "I still wanna touch it..."

"Yap...I do too," Gaddes said struggling to clamp a hand onto a long lock of Allen's golden hair.

"Allen do you use conditioner?" Van asked, while petting Allen roughly.

Allen looked up at him giving him a beauty queen smile, "I sure do."

Van just opened his mouth to a wide smile to laugh, but no sound came out.

"Alli-pants,"Gaddes said while draping Allen's tresses over his face.

"You know I don't like that Gaddes," Allen said with trying patience.

"ALLI!!" Gaddes giggled.

"He's fucked," Van and Allen agreed.

"He's such a light weight..." Allen stated.

"I'd hate to see him on heroin..." Van stated.

" You would?" Allen asked, his eye-lids heavy.

Van stood there in what looked to be serious contemplation.

After about two minutes Allen felt he should interject," found anything yet?"

"Uh..." Van just stared at him through his reddened eyes.

"Ooooh! Van looks like a demon!!" Gaddes yelled as he forced his way into the seats of the couch.

"Rar," Van giggled, as he made a futile effort to claw Gaddes.

"Wow... your eyes are red..." Allen stated.

"Well duh... fuck what is it with blondes..." Van stated as if he were talking to a studio audience, laughing at his own joke.

Allen just sat there, "no I mean like... you have reddy eyes already... and then when you're high the white part is red too, so that's a hellofalota red there budd budd."

Van tried to process it while Gaddes was wailing _Demon, _however he quickly stopped after a few seconds, "Hey...you have period coloured eyes!"

Allen just stared at him.

"He just went there..." Van stated.

"I'm uncomfortable," Allen stated.

"HAH!! AHAH!! Maybe you just got your period Alli-pants! Congratulations you! You are officially a woman!" Gaddes exclaimed, after he removed his head from the couch cushions.

While Gaddes sat there in his stupor laughing his ass off, Allen just stared at Van who was trying not to laugh.

Trying to turn the attention away from himself Allen turned to Van, "hey, when are you meeting up with Hitomi?"

Van looked at Allen then flailed around to find a clock.

"Shiiit...I gotta go..." Van responded.

Allen laughed lightly, "how late are you?"

"I'm not yet! I have fourteen minutes!" Van exclaimed stumbling out the door.

"Toodles!" Allen waved.

* * *

"Tomi!" Van yelled as he walked into her appartment.

"Whoa... no need to yell Van," Hitomi told him as she emerged from her room.

"You look really good..." Van trailed off, as he slithered toward her while he rested all his weight on the wall.

"I just got out of the shower... I'm clean, that's about it," she responded, adjusting her shirt.

"Really, really good..." Van repeated, eyeing her up and down.

Hitomi laughed slightly in her discomfort, she was completely aware that he was high. She wasn't one to use substances herself, but she wouldn't judge her boyfriend, it was almost better when he was high. His mood was much more tolerable and he was easier to be around, when he was sober he was somewhat difficult to deal with.

Van quickly closed the gap between them and pressed her against the wall, burrying his face in the crook of her neck. His hands wandered around her body, one settling on her thigh, while the other moved under her shirt. She could smell the marijuana off him, it wasn't strong nor was it bad, it blended with his own scent so well that he even smelled good.

Her shirt was coming off, there was no argument. He wanted it off her, he was clearly interested in one thing at the moment and wanted nothing less. Not to say that he was being domineering, but he had a way with her that she would do almost anything for him.

As his hand migrated up the shirt rode along with it. In attempts to distract her, he took her in a long sensual kiss. The kiss allowed for her to relax, and melt into him. As a sign of consent, she quickly began undoing his pants. Once she moved he pulled out of the kiss leaving her somewhat irked, and took off his T-shirt.

After the shirt was off she pulled him in roughly, grinding her mouth against his. Finally Van pulled off her shirt, exposing her bare breasts. He was thankful she wasn't wearing a bra, he didn't need the extra packaging. Quickly he lifted her up and flattened her against the wall. He placed a trail of hot kisses along her neck and along her collar bone.

Her body was already hot, and he had barely even started.

--

Sex was always great, but it was even better high. At least for him it was, he was fairly confident that she enjoyed it either way. She was good, to say the least, but it wasn't as if she was just a fling or meant nothing to him. He was fairly certain he was in love with her, regardless of whether or not he was intoxicated. Contrary to the beliefs of his bandmates, he was dying to be a husband and father, and he was sure that Hitomi was the one.

"Hey, Hitomi," Van whispered.

She turned over to face him, her body barely covered with the sheets, "you're sober..."

He nodded, "so...you wanna get married?"

* * *

So there it is, don't be too harsh.


	2. Under My Voodoo

So I think the first chapter went over well...

* * *

"Hey man..." Gaddes yelled as Van walked in the next morning.

"Are you still fucked?" Van asked incredulously.

Gaddes stumbled for a second, "no... do I really seem high?"

"Gaddes, you could be as sober as an orthodox Jew and we wouldn't think it," Allen stated.

Gaddes stared at him, a little surprised and hurt at the same time.

"It's okay... I'm sure Van's perma-fried too," Allen assured him.

Van gave a short laugh.

"Anyway..." Gaddes whined slightly, trying to get off the topic.

"So I assume you had sex," Allen said non-chalantly, lighting a cigarette and leaning back into the couch.

Van didn't really know how to respond. It wasn't as if he was shocked or uncomfortable it was just something that didn't really need a response. So with that he simply walked over to the small kitchen of the appartment. Upon opening the fridge there was, once again, nothing worth eating in it; a few bottles of beer and random unfinished pieces of food.

Van closed the fridge door and sighed heavily, "damn... I'm tired of no food."

"What did you do with your paycheque?" Allen asked, taking a drag from his cigarette.

Van was quiet for a second, he knew that Allen had been in rehab for hard drugs and wasn't exactly the biggest fan of Van's latest _experiment,_ "heroin..."

Allen didn't say anything he knew Van was a bit touchy about it and he didn't need Allen dictating to him, it would seem too hypocritical.

"Well, we're going on tour soon... CD sales should go up," Allen offered trying to get away from the tension.

"I asked Hitomi to marry me," Van confessed walking into the room.

By now Allen had finished his cigarette, and all he could do was curse Van's stupidity and impulse, "how do you plan on doing that?"

Van shook his head, he looked genuinely worried. It was evident that he had been using Heroin for a while, considering his mannerisms, when he was sober, were so edgy and static.

Gaddes simply watched his friend twitching under Allen's scrutiny, "you really look like shit man."

Van stopped fidgetting and gave Gaddes a glare.

"Van, he's right, but aside from that... how are you going to do this wedding?" Allen asked, concern becoming very apparent.

"I don't know, I just--" Van started.

"You couldn't have had common law, you have to have her legally? Hitomi Fanel," Allen interrupted.

Van was getting a bit pissed off, he didn't want to see the logic in Allen's arguments, "yeah, I want her as my wife."

"You can't afford to support her," Allen told him.

"Well, it's not like she doesn't have a job, plus she will have a lot more patience with him than you do, it might be better than you think," Gaddes said.

Van was glad Gaddes was his friend, his positive attitude always came in handy.

"This--it's just so irresponsible, and stupid... it's totally something that Van would do, next he'll have her pregnant," Allen grunted, " fuck this, I'm going home."

"I told you Allen's on his period," Gaddes whispered loudly to Van.

Van started to laugh lightly, and somewhat agreed with Gaddes' statement. Allen's actions were somewhat resembling that of a girl in pms.

"Ah well, he is right you know..." Gaddes said quietly after Allen had gone.

Van grunted.

"I'm not trying to be a dick, it's just you will have a hard time..."

"Yeah..." Van said curtly.

"Well, I'm off," Gaddes said rolling off the couch.

"See ya..." Van trailed off, letting Gaddes go without looking back.

Van was alone again. He wasn't exactly sad, or a person where he needed constant companionship but whenever he was pissed off he didn't like being alone that way. Quickly he went to his room and sat down on the bed where the nightstand sat next to. Opening the small drawer, he took out the plastic bag with his chemicals in it.

He emptied the bag's contents onto the bed and sifted through the objects in order to sort them out. He had become so experienced that he no longer needed to tie his arm to find his vein, injections of smack had become almost second nature. Taking the small vile of powder, he removed the cap and poured a little pile onto the spoon.

Once the beige powder had become a liquid, Van put the lighter down allowed the subtance to cool for a few seconds. Finally after enough waiting he sucked it up and slid the needle into his arm.

As the liquid seeped into his body he immediately felt more relaxed and couldn't think of any reason to worry. Euphoria had taken over quickly, relieving him of any of his previous stress. He and Hitomi would be fine, there was nothing to worry about.

* * *

Time had passed rather quickly, probably since he was barely sober throughout the entire first three days of the tour. Whether it was Heroin or Marijuana or both, he had only allowed himself to come down or be sober while he slept. Otherwise he was shooting or smoking up. He would have continued past the third day if it hadn't been for him running out, or so he thought. Allen and Gaddes had made it look like he used it all, while they had taken it away from him while he slept.

He was currently sleeping, it was the middle of the day and they were only a few hours away from playing their next show. Gaddes and Allen had been monitoring Van for almost fifteen minutes now.

"He's bad..." Gaddes stated.

Allen nodded, "He needs to stop for a while or he's going to end up killing himself..."

"What are we going to do... I mean, I really don't think he'll take it that easily," Gaddes wondered.

"We can't make it like an intervention or he'll think he's being attacked... it has to be like his own idea or just another _experiment_." Allen explained.

"I never thought I'd be worried about him..." Gaddes stated.

"Yeah, I know he's way too smart to get this bad into drugs," Allen agreed.

"Should we wake him up? He's been sleeping for twelve hours," Gaddes asked.

"I guess, the last thing we want is him going into a coma," Allen said approaching Van.

Gaddes quickly grabbed his arm, "maybe we should get Hitomi, somehow I think waking up to his fiance is a bit nicer than his bassist."

Allen nodded, "true... where is she?"

Gaddes shrugged, "I'll go check outside and around the venue, you stay here and keep an eye on Sleeping Beauty."

Allen agreed and allowed Gaddes to leave. He didn't want to take any more time than necessary so he appeared quite frantic as he ran around the venue.

Finally Gaddes found Hitomi talking to one of the other bands' girlfriend.

"Hitomi, can you come to the bus?" Gaddes asked a little weirdly.

"Yeah sure... is anything wrong?" she asked hesitantly.

"Well... not really, sort of, we'd - Allen and I- would really love it if you would wake up Van," he explained.

"Is he okay?" he asked concerned.

"I think so, he's just been sleeping for _quite_ a while," Gaddes told her.

"Okay, I'm coming," Hitomi agreed, and said good-bye to the girl before following Gaddes back to the bus.

"Oh, Hitomi thanks for coming," Allen said.

"It's fine, it's not like I came a long distance," Hitomi assured him.

"Right..." Allen admitted, looking a bit stupid.

"Do you want us to leave you two alone?" Gaddes asked.

"We're not having sex Gaddes," Hitomi said a little annoyed.

"We're going to go anyway..." Allen said, grabbing Gaddes just as he took a seat, excited to watch Van's awakening.

"Alright," Hitomi acknowledged, sitting on the edged of the couch that Van was sleeping on.

Once Allen and Gaddes left, Hitomi rolled her eyes at their oddness and turned her focus to Van.

Realizing that she would be the first thing he would see, she quickly fixed herself up by unbuttoning her shirt enough so he could see her bra. Once she deemed herself ready she climbed on top of him and rested her torso on his. She could hear the change in his breathing due to her weight so she waited a few seconds before touching him.

"Hey... " she breathed, taking some random strands away from his face.

He didn't move, he only continued to sleep.

"Van..." she whispered in a sing-song tone.

He still didn't shift.

Finally she figured she might as well pull out heavy artillery. Crawling up on him, she pressed her lips very gently against his ear, delicately whispering, "Van, you need to get up."

This did wake him up, but he continued to pretend he was asleep. Hitomi smiled and began playing with his earlobe in her mouth. Gradually she placed very slow hot kisses along his jaw until she reached his mouth. Just as she was about to play with his bottom lip he flipped her over and began kissing her roughly.

When he pulled away, since there was no where for her to pull away to, she lay there smirking at him, " you taste like pot."

"You wanna taste more?" he asked her suggestively.

"No." she answered shortly.

His face fell.

She smiled at him gently, 'your friends are outside."

"Oh, well what are they doing there?" he asked.

"Do you really think they were interested in watching that?" she asked.

"Well, Allen? No. Gaddes? I'm sort of leaning toward yes, believe it or not..." Van said.

"I believe it," she said.

When she didn't say anything further he began placing small kisses along her neck and collar bone.

Even though she was getting aroused she didn't want to give in to him, she didn't like the way he could have complete power over her unintentionally. It was too abnormal for a man to not want that dominance but have it nonetheless. There was also the fact that no one could be that beautiful and be subserviant to her; he was too odd.

Trying to hide her desire, she began to talk, afraid that if she were to stay silent she would give in to him, " you-- your show... are you excited?"

"Mm-hmm," he breathed between kisses.

As his kisses got lower and more heated she began to lose her mind. When his hand began reaching under her skirt she knew she wouldn't be able to handle it, eventually pushing him off her.

"What was that for?" he asked as he got up.

Hitomi just lay back and allowed her breathing to get back to normal and her body to cool down.

"Hey you, Hitomi," Van asked, slightly irked and on the floor.

Hitomi turned to him and began doing up the buttons of her shirt that he had undone. She looked at his expectant face and smiled, "you have no idea..."

"You're right, I don't," he said flatly.

Hitomi got up and stood facing him, afraid to touch him for fear that she might get carried away. Quickly she processed an idea that might help him understand better than she could explain. She pulled down her shirt enough so that her breasts were quite exposed, "can you resist them?"

Van's focus lingered on her breasts in a somewhat dazed expression, "no."

"Now you know why I pushed you off me," Hitomi explained as she pulled her shirt up, "we should go out now."

Van just stood there a little pissed off and amused at the same time.

* * *

When the three of them were waiting backstage Van was practically nomadic. He was unable to stay in one place, not to mention he couldn't stop complaining about how shitty the current band was.

"Van, will you fucking stand still!" Allen told him.

"Why don't you shove your bass up your ass!" Van yelled immaturely.

Gaddes couldn't help but start laughing. Allen was clearly not amused.

"Don't encourage him..." Allen stated blandly.

"You would have been laughing if he had said it to me," Gaddes protested.

"You would have deserved it," Allen explained.

"You mean you didn't?"

Allen opened his mouth to object but he couldn't really think of anything.

Gaddes just watched as Van began playing the guitar solo of the current band. He hadn't heard it before but since the piece was so simple and predictable Van was able to play it almost flawlessly.

"That really is incredible..." Gaddes mused.

"I know," Allen agreed.

"I wonder if the drugs help," Gaddes stated.

Allen shrugged.

Finally the band had finished and Van had never been so happy to hear music stop. He was dying to give the audience some real music. Just as Allen and Gaddes were about to go onstage Van raced out ahead of them.

"Hey," Van breathed into the microphone, "I am awesome..."

The crowd erupted with cheers causing the smile on his face to widen.

"So we're going to play a few songs for you," he breathed quickly, " that alright?"

The audience, once again, screamed and cheered as Van began playing the opening chords.

After the first song was done Van was the equivalent to one of his drug highs.

"What do you guys think of Allen's hair!" Van yelled.

More screams and _I love yous_ were heard.

"Yeah... that's what he usually gets..." Van smiled, "so on another note..."

Van began vamping on his guitar as he waited for the bass and drums to kick in.

--

When they were done Van was sweating copiously but he was completely happy, there wasn't much that made him as happy as music did. Once he was offstage he caught sight of Hitomi waiting for him along with several other girls who were clearly groupies. A bright smile came to his face as he walked over to her, removing his guitar from around his neck.

The girls were going wild as he got closer, while Hitomi stood there so calm with a knowing smile on her face. Van hated that he was so predictable but loved that only she seemed to know it.

Once he got to the mob of girls he wrapped an arm around her waist and left with her.

"You're quite the bitch," he joked as they watched the group of girls curse her, but quickly move on to Allen.

"What?" she asked.

" I saw your face, you weren't one bit fazed... you were so sure that I wouldn't have gone for any of the other girls," he told her.

"Would you?"

"You seem to know the answer to that question already," he laughed, getting himself out of a corner.

When they got back to the bus Hitomi was quite certain that he wanted sex, which he did but there were other matters that were pressing.

"Tomi?" Van asked as he sat on the couch.

"Yeah,"

"I don't think I can--" he started.

"Marry me..." she finished sadly.

Van shook his head, "nah, I _know_ I _can't_ but I'm going to anyway..."

Hitomi turned to him her face completely rid of the worry it had only seconds ago, "what is it then?"

"I don't think-- I can't afford a big wedding... it's gotta be small, and when I say small, I mean microscopic," he said.

"Small is fine... so is low budget, which I think is more to the point," she said warmly.

"You're really okay with that?" he asked.

"As long as it happens," she told him, snuggling beside him.

"Thank you..." he said quietly.

* * *


	3. Seed

Third Chapter! I had nothing better to do so I thought I'd update...some people might be happy.

* * *

His withdrawal symptoms had been bad. No one had suspected him to be that heavily dependant on the drugs and when they hadn't seen much of a change the first day cold turkey they had suspected he was fine. That was not the case; on the second day they had found Van in the bathroom practically vomiting up his insides.

His normally golden skin colour had faded into a pasty grey and normally gorgeous face had become gaunt and sickly. His eyes watered, and his pupils were always dialated even in direct sunlight. He had stopped eating, but continued to complain about the pains in his stomach, and how his entire body ached.  
He was always cold, even when he was sweating he was unable to stop shivering. He was running on empty with no sleep and no food. His desperation for more Heroin was accompanied by severe irritability. Whenever someone tried to talk to him about it or ask him simple questions he would take it the the extreme and throw it back in their face. Van was experiencing probably the worst withdrawal symptoms any of them had seen.

He had actually come to the point where he tried to pawn off one of his guitars to get money for the drugs. Luckily Allen had stopped the deal from being made, which did not go over well with Van.

However, even through all his incredibly bad symptoms he was never able to play a bad set. This was the amazing part. It was unthinkable that someone who was going through such a bad detox could have the ability to produce incredible music. It was almost divine, and what was even more incredible was the fact that no one had any idea.

Although, when the show was over, he sunk back into his chemical desperation. At times one of them would desperately want to give him a fix but knew it was impossible.

After a week of torture the effects began to wear off and he became easier to live with. It was a good thing, considering their luck was about to change.

--

It was after their last show and eveyrone was still a bit on edge when it came to Van. He had just gotten back into the habit of sleeping, but it was only for a few odd hours and at odd times. He had started eating voluntarily, but once again it was very rationalized. He also began paying more attention to Hitomi again, considering during his week of withdrawal he didn't even want her touching him.

Van had just come onto the bus when he was quickly followed by someone none of them had seen before.

"Hi everyone, let me start out by saying: you all are _fantastic_," he said.

Van just stared at him, there was no hint of interest or anything in his face he just stared at him, waiting for the man to continue.

"Thanks," Gaddes laughed, " who are you again?"

"Dryden Fassa," he began, "I want to sign you onto my record label."

Van's eye twitched.

"Someone brought a copy of your last CD into a radio station and it's gone over incredibly well, so we want to work with you at BLAZE," Dryden told them.

Allen and Gaddes looked at each other, not knowing what to say. BLAZE had been an incredibly big record label, and it was just what they needed in order to get somewhere with their little band. Van continued to stand there, but his expression had changed into a somewhat dazed look, as he let out a short laugh.

Allen and Gaddes looked at Van then back at Dryden.

"Is he okay?" Dryden asked.

"Yeah, he's fine, he's just tired," Gaddes stated.

Dryden nodded suspiciously, "he looks run down..."

"We would love to, by the way," Allen said trying to distract Dryden.

Dryden looked back at Allen and smiled, "I'm glad to hear it. We'll need you recording in LA in two weeks."

"Done," Allen confirmed shaking hands firmly with Dryden.

"We'll put you up, don't worry about expenses, but I would suggest you start working on some new material," Dryden advised.

"We will," Gaddes assured.

Dryden gave a large smile, "I look forward to working with you."

As Dryden left Gaddes and Allen began screaming and hugging each other as if they had just made the chearleading squad. Van had just stood there smiling a little dazed.

"Van! Did you hear that! We're signing onto a huge-ass record label!" Gaddes exclaimed, giving him a man hug.

Van nodded, "...awesome."

"Dude, you're practically sedated, what the hell?" Gaddes exclaimed.

"Tired... really tired," Van said a little strained.

He ran a hand through his hair, allowing them to see his darkened eyes.

Allen grimaced, he had known what Heroin was like but he hadn't realized that he looked this bad, "get some sleep man..."

Van nodded a walked slowly to his bunk, leaving Allen and Gaddes alone.

"Well, at least the worst is over..." Gaddes trailed off.

"Hopefully he won't see any need to do it anymore," Allen stated.

"What do you mean?" Gaddes asked.

"He started doing Heroin when we kept getting rejected by labels... he did it out of frustration, now that we're as good as signed there isn't any need..." Allen said, wishing that what he was saying was true.

* * *

They had gotten past their first day in the recording studio, and contrary to what they had expected it hadn't gone over as well as they had wanted it to. Van was his usual sober self; a bit more difficult than needed. His inability to work caused them to be cut a few hours short, also providing a bit of animosity between the three of them.

Upon getting back to the hotel, they had all stayed silent and went about their own business. Allen and Gaddes had no particular desire to hang around with Van, so they decided to go out, leaving Van completely alone. Their departure made him a bit more angry but there wasn't much he could do. He was dying for some Heroin but he was without and considering he wasn't well acquainted with Los Angeles he wasn't exactly sure how to aquire said drug.

This annoyed him even further, he wanted something but he was stranded. He knew Allen and Gaddes weren't stupid enough to leave drugs around for him, and there certainly weren't any in the hotel room itself. Finally after succumbing to defeat he chose to call his girlfriend.

He wasn't really sure if it would cost money, but he did remember Dryden telling them not to worry about the expenses, so he didn't.

The phone rang a few times before Hitomi picked up, "hello?"

"Hey..." he said quietly.

"Hey, how was the first day?" she asked excitedly.

"Uneventful... it wasn't exactly what we wanted to happen during the first session but things aren't usually what you expect are they..." he told her.

Hitomi closed her eyes, knowing that it was his fault, "so how long is your contract?"

"Two years," he said, quickly changing the topic, "how are you?"

"I'm good," she said, "you don't sound great..."

"They're pissed off with me right now," he told her.

She didn't question it, she assumed it wasn't good she didn't need to know the details, "I have to tell you something."

Van's expression contorted a bit, "is everything okay?"

"That depends..." she started.

"On what?" he asked.

"You... your reaction," she said.

"Are _you _okay?" he asked.

"Yes..." she hesitated.

"Can you just tell me?" he asked a little impatiently.

"Van, I'm pregnant..." she said outright.

Van wasn't exactly sure what to say. He was actually quite surprised with how he was feeling, the news hit him so quickly that it was as if he couldn't quite figure out what he was feeling.

"Van?" she asked.

"Yeah... holy shit, how did this happen?" he asked.

"The last time... neither of us remembered... we were both a little drunk," she explained.

Van smiled stupidly at the memory, surprised that he actually did remember it, "oooh yeah..."

"Stop laughing, Van I don't know what you want me to do..." she said a bit more frantically.

"Hitomi, I can't really believe it myself, but I really want you to keep it," he said, his tone a bit happier.

* * *


	4. What Happened

HEYYYY! Wow, I think I've been really great with this updating... hopefully you all think so too!

* * *

It had been a week since the official news of Hitomi's pregnancy had been brought to Van's attention, and since their very first conversation he had found out that she was almost two months along. At first he had been thrilled, and completely confused as to why it would make him so immensely happy, which helped the recording process incredibly well. Although, when Allen had asked him what brought the sudden change of mood, Van didn't want to tell him. The news about his engagement hadn't gone over well, and he didn't want Allen screaming _I told ya_ _so _at him. The last thing he needed was Allen to be more pissed of at him, however the hesitancy to tell Allen stopped him from telling Gaddes.

"I really think this is going somewhere," Gaddes said during a break.

"When does our first tour start?" Van asked.

"I think in two months," Allen answered.

"And until then?" Gaddes asked.

"Well, we work our asses off in the studio, then we get to go home for a while," Allen confirmed.

"How is it you know that and we don't?" Van asked.

"I listen during meetings?" Allen answered.

Van gave a satisfied expression, "makes sense."

"So, how's Hitomi?" Gaddes asked.

"Yeah, haven't heard much of her, have you talked to her recently?" Allen asked.

Van didn't falter, but he did contemplate on telling them. They would know as soon as they saw her when they got home, might as well spare her the embarrassment, "she's great, sends her love to you both."

"Is she happy for you?" Allen asked.

Van nodded, "she's pregnant too," he continued as if Allen hadn't spoken.

"Holy shit man! That's awesome, wow, you really work fast. Congratulations!" Gaddes said, jumping up from the drum set and racing over to give Van a _man_ hug.

Allen was silent.

"Allen! Say something," Gaddes ordered.

Allen looked at Van, his stare was cold.

"Why are you so pissed off?" Van said, finally angry enough to say something.

Allen shook his head, " I have no idea..."

"Look, I know it isn't the most ethical or responsible way to live, but it really doesn't bother me or her, so it sure as hell shouldn't bother you," Van seethed.

"Van, you're twenty-six, and she's _twenty-three_, a baby? Maybe she can handle one, but _you_? You're a recovering Heroin addict, what were you thinking, what in hell makes you think you can be a father?" Allen blasted.

"I want to be one. Out of all the things I want to have in my life, a child is one of them. I want to be a musician, I _want _Heroin, I _want _Hitomi and I _want_ this baby," Van demanded as he approached Allen viciously.

Allen stared at him, anger clouding his vision.

"Damn," Van exhaled.

"What about the wedding?" Allen said after a while of silence.

Van looked at Allen confused, where did that come from.

"I assume you're going to do it as soon as possible, to make the pregnancy look legitimate," Allen explained.

"That would be the idea," Van said.

"Here or back home?"

"Home," Van answered.

Allen nodded.

"I think we're done for the day, let's go guys," Gaddes interjected after a few minutes of silence.

Allen nodded in agreement and followed Gaddes out of the studio.

"You coming Van?" Gaddes called back.

"I'll be back later, I'm going to hang out here a bit longer," Van assured them.

Both men nodded and left in silence, only to leave Van in it as well.

Van walked around the studio, his mood still pretty rumpled. He knew it wasn't in his best interest to shoot up, since it had been practically a month of him being clean. This didn't change the fact that he wanted it, if he didn't do that much he wouldn't have to explain to them. After a few more minutes of contemplation he decided to grab his guitar and go looking.

--

It didn't take long for Van to find someone. It was Los Angeles, everyone had some means of getting Heroin. He hadn't bought a lot for fear that he might get carried away and because he wasn't exactly loaded with cash enough to buy it.

Once it was bought he raced back to his hotel room, hiding the drugs in his guitar case. Miraculously, Allen and Gaddes weren't there. Van smiled upon entering and quickly rummaged through his bags to find his syringe and lighter. No one knew that he had kept his equipment, let alone that he carried it with him regularly, so he he had gone completely under the radar.

The only problem was that he was lacking a spoon. Quickly he scanned the room searching for something he could use as a replacement. He was getting antsy, he knew every second was important and here he was wasting them. Finally, his eyes landed on a spoon. He had never been so happy to see a frigging spoon.

Racing, he picked it up and hurried tot he bathroom, to make certain that they wouldn't walk in on him. He was so nervous and excited that he was shaking as he emptied a very small amount of powder onto the metal surface. He fumbled to get the lighter working, and it was as if he couldn't light it fast enough.

Eventually the liquid Heroin was in the syringe and all he had to do was inject it. The needle slid in with ease, and as soon as the chemical was released, so was everything else. He relished the familiar feeling that the drug brought so instantaneously, there was no need for any worrying right now, everything was perfect.

* * *

Van had been serving his drug habit in secret for the past two weeks. He had been so easy to work with and so good at hiding it, that Allen and Gaddes were not asking questions. There was also the bonus that he was making incredibly fast music, what was even more ridiculous was that he had every part figured out and it was flawless music. Allen and Gaddes had just assumed that he was really trying to work for the band, but really the Heroin had magnified Van's artistic creation, causing him to produce incredible music with increased ease.

The were in the middle of a recording session when Dryden came in to congratulate them on how well they had been working.

"You've really put things together, it's sounding great," he told them.

"Thanks, but really it's all Van's doing," Allen answered honestly.

"I thought you were the bad seed in the mix," Dryden more stated than asked.

Van just looked at him, he didn't really have anything to say.

"He came up with all the parts so quickly, it was crazy," Gaddes said, "he doesn't even play the drums or bass."

"Nice work, did you have a lot of musical training as a kid?" Dryden asked.

"Nah, mom was a musician with perfect pitch, which I got, that's where it comes from, she taught me some stuff but I just picked it up for the most part," Van said quickly.

"That was fast," Dryden remarked.

"What? The sentence or the time period?" Van asked.

"Uh, both I guess," Dryden stammered felling a bit uncomfortable.

Van just laughed at him.

Allen gave him a weird look.

"I'm glad you enjoyed that..." Dryden said, feeling a bit mocked.

"Sorry man, wasn't trying to be a dick," Van apologized.

"No worries, so the main reason I came here was to ask if you would mind subbing in for a band at the amphitheatre? It's 3000 for twenty minutes," Dryden offered.

"Why so much, I mean it's a lot for such a small amount of time," Gaddes asked.

"It's a huge venue," Dryden answered.

"We're in," Van confirmed calmly.

Dryden looked up at Van and smiled, "excellent, call time is eight, see you there."

Once Dryden had left Allen turned to Van, " what was that?"

"What?" Van asked turning to face Allen.

"That rant."

"I don't know, I didn't realize how fast I was talking until I had stopped," Van laughed.

"Hey, whatever, three grand; that's one each," Gaddes exclaimed.

"Not complaining," Van said.

Allen gave a skeptical smile as he watched Van closely.

"Alright, let's get our shit and get out of here, we've only got an hour," Van said, snapping Allen out of his thoughts.

--

They had arrived on time, and had gotten everything ready to go, but they still had to wait half an hour before they went on.

"I'll be back," Van told them from backstage.

"Where are you going, the band isn't that bad," Allen said.

Van gave him a look, then smiled as he backed off, "can!"

Allen rolled his eyes and continued watching the band play.

--

Van raced to the washroom, the place was gross. It was the stereotypical washroom that people pictured drug addicts using. It reeked of urine and mold, there was water everywhere and a huge crack spilt right through the wall of mirrors.

Van approached the grimy sink and rummaged through his pockets to get the utensils out. Sloppily he emptied some powder onto the spoon and fired up his lighter. He was short for time, but really wanted to amplify his performance, so he couldn't talk himself out of it.

Once the powder liquidized, he couldn't get it into the syringe fast enough. It was literally within seconds that he had the chemicals seeping into his bloodstream. Suddenly, while he was in the middle of his sudden euphoria, he heard the door opening. Quickly, he forced the rest of the solution into his vein then yanked it out, shoving all the tools into his pocket. When the two guys came in they gave Van a quick look, then went about their own business. Once Van was out of the room, he made sure all the things were okay and hidden, then he ran back to the stage.

His adrenaline was going nuts, he couldn't wait to go onstage.

"Guys, this is going to be fucking nuts," Van exclaimed, while pacing ridiculously fast.

"Whoa, calm down man," Allen laughed.

"I haven't performed in so long that it's like withdrawal symptoms from drugs," Van said.

"And you would know..." Gaddes mumbled.

Van was too oblivious to notice or care about what Gaddes had just said to him. Allen gave Gaddes a knowing look.

"Damn! How long until we go on!" Van whined.

"One more song man, chill," Gaddes told him.

"Speaking of _chill_, who turned up the heat!" Van exclaimed, roughly taking off his shirt.

"When did you get _that _tattoo?" Allen asked, regarding the intricate design stretched across his shoulders.

Van strained his neck to look back at it, "uh..."

"You don't remember," Gaddes laughed, "man you _must _have been fucked."

Van laughed, trying to hide his discomfort. The truth was he had know when he got it, however he also had been on Heroin.

"What does it say? That's one crazy font," Allen asked approaching Van.

"Name of the band," Van said.

"You guys are on," one of the roadies told them.

"Awesome!" Van yelled racing onto the stage, grabbing the mic.

The crowd _was _huge, and _loud._

Van had never felt that good while onstage. He could feel everything so intensely that it felt as if it were a part of him.

"Wow..." Van smiled, "that band was shitty..."

The crowd gave a loud eruption of mixed reviews.

"Hey...hey, don't get pissed off with me, take it up with them... but in the mean time, relax, 'cause here is some musical _Heroin_!" Van exclaimed just as he began playing his guitar.

The show had felt incredible, he was getting so involved in the music that he hadn't realized that he had stopped responding to people. He could see them and their reactions, but for the most part everything was muted except the music. It almost pained him to stop playing, he would have given anything to continue performing on that stage. However, once he got into the wings, things began to feel even more intense.  
The sudden change from the radiant stage lights to the darkness backstage had been too abrupt. He had used so much energy onstage that he was practically limp and the sweat that he had produced was causing him to freeze.

The euphoria he had felt only seconds ago, changed suddenly to dire anguish. He wanted to die, right then and there in seconds he could feel nothing and ended up collapsing.

Gaddes and Allen had no idea what to do. Their friend had just collapsed after playing probably his best set ever. His body was still and cold on the floor, when it had been hot and static only seconds ago. Quickly, an ambulance was called and he was taken to the ER.

--

Allen and Gaddes had been waiting for an hour, they had figured it was Heroin but wanted to give Van the benefit of the doubt. Just when they were beginning to fear the worst a doctor approached them.

"You're with Van Fanel?" he asked.

Gaddes and Allen nodded.

"Allen"

"Gaddes."

They each shook hands with the doctor before he said anything regarding Van.

"How is he?" Gaddes asked rather quickly.

"He's going to be okay, but that was a nasty overdose, it could have been fatal," the doctor said solemnly.

"It _was _Heroin," Allen breathed.

"You knew?" the doctor asked.

Allen shook his head, "he had done it before, he was clean for a while, I didn't know he had started again..."

The doctor nodded, "you need to get him into rehab, there was far too much solution in his system, if he relapsed once, it can happen again if things aren't done properly."

Allen nodded, " I know..."

"Fuck Van, you're such an idiot," Gaddes said.

"How is he right now?" Allen asked.

"Stable, he's sleeping but he's stable," the doctor said, "I wouldn't disturb him yet."

"Does he need to stay at the hospital?" Gaddes asked.

The doctor nodded, "about a week, I suggest you get him home after that."

"Oh Christ..." Allen breathed, both of them had lost their colour, " how are we going to tell Hitomi..."

"Shit," Gaddes sighed, leainging back in his chair.

"Hitomi?" the doctor asked.

"His girl-- his wife," Allen corrected.

"She's pregnant," Gaddes added.

"Does she use narcotics?" the doctor asked.

"No," they both said quickly.

"Does she know he does?" he asked.

They nodded.

The doctor looked a bit disappointed.

"Hey... will the baby be affected?" Gaddes asked.

"No, not unless the mother does it, and it depends on how long," he explained.

"I should really give her a call," Allen said getting up.

"Break it to her slowly and gently, the last thing she needs is a lot of stress or she could lose the baby," the doctor advised to Allen.

Gaddes nodded, "thanks doc, really..."

The doctor nodded and walked back through the big white doors.

--

"Hey Hitomi," Allen said gently.

"Allen? What are you calling me for...what time is it?" she asked a little grogilly.

"It's almost eleven," Allen answered.

"Oh," Hitomi yawned, " I guess, since I got pregnant, my concept of late is off..."

Allen gave an awkward laugh.

"Alright, what's up Allen," she asked gently.

"Uh... it's Van," Allen said grimacing, terrified to hear her response.

"What happened?" she asked calmly.

"He overdosed..." Allen explained.

Hitomi breathed in and didn't exhale, for fear of her own reaction.

"Hitomi?" Allen asked.

He could hear her let out a very strained, delicate breath.

"Allen... is he okay?" she asked calmly, a little wavered but calm.

"He will be, he's sleeping right now..." he assured her quickly, "he'll be coming home."

"How did this happen? I thought he was clean Allen, weren't you keeping an eye on him?" she was starting to get frantic.

"Hitomi... I don't know," he said honestly, choosing not to make any excuses.

"God Allen," she sighed angrily.

"Hitomi, take it easy, the baby..."Allen advised.

This made her angry, but she did take his advice, "Allen, my--almost-- husband _almost_ died tonight... how would someone normally react to that news? Regardless of whether they're pregnant..."

"I see your point," he stated.

"Do me a favor and take care of him, okay..." Hitomi choked out.

--

When Allen was off the phone he came back to sit with Gaddes.

"What happened?" Gaddes asked.

"She took it a lot better than I thought she would," Allen answered.

"Well, I guess we should have given her more credit, I mean both her parents were druggies weren't they?" Gaddes asked.

Allen nodded, "I think so."

"What are we going to say to him... he'll be here at least a week," Gaddes asked.

"I have no idea anymore..."

* * *

So that was a bit more of a somber chapter, but I think it was good. Review?


	5. All You Need

So that last chapter was a bit scary... I guess people aren't that interested in the story though... It makes me sad, cause I've already posted four chapters and I only have three reviews...

Oh well, if people are reading it regardless, I guess I'm content.

* * *

Allen and Gaddes had refrained from seeing Van. They had gone to the hospital and all to check out his updates, but they chose not to visit him. They didn't really know what they would do under the circumstances.

By the end of the week, Van was doing sufficiently well and was released from the hospital. Allen and Gaddes were waiting for him, ready to give him the news of his destination. Van had been thrilled when he was finally released, but when he saw his two friends waiting for him, he suddenly felt ashamed.

Modestly he walked over to them, "hi..."

Both of them gave him welcoming smiles, lined with a bit of hesitancy.

"I'm sorry guys..." Van murmured.

"Let's go," Allen offered, putting a hand on Van's back to lead him out.

Once they were in the car, they began telling him what was going to happen.

"You're being sent home Van," Allen said.

Van wanted to protest but he knew it was futile, so instead he just nodded.

"We'll be home in another week, we're just staying to do some finishing touches," Gaddes added.

"Are we still going on tour?" Van asked.

They both nodded.

"Van, how long were you doing it?" Gaddes asked suddenly.

Van stared at Gaddes for a minute, closing his eyes he finally answered, "two weeks."

"_Two weeks_..." Gaddes repeated in a whisper.

The rest of the ride to the airport was silent. No one knew what to say, it wasn't as if everything was okay now that Van was going home. There was too much tension in the car to pretend that everything was okay.

Van hadn't wanted to leave, but at the same time, he was content to be going home.

* * *

Hitomi had been at the airport waiting for him. There was subtle evidence of her pregnancy, but the swelling was minimal. Other than that, she looked really good, her skin looked flawless and sunkissed, her green eyes were radiant and her hair was soft and glossy.

Van had been away from her so long that he had forgotten how lovely she was. Whenever he had tried to picture her, her face had always been out of focus.

When she saw him he noticed her quick spurt of energy, then he watched her tame it, trying to avoid people staring. He laughed slightly at her awkwardness, and walked a little faster so she wouldn't have to wait as long.

She had watched him so closely, afraid to move, but as soon as he was standing only yards away from her she couldn't restrain herself. She didn't throw herself at him, but she did apply more force than normal when she hugged him. It took a lot of discipline to stop herself from tackling him.

"Hey..." he greeted softly, "be gentle..."

Hitomi straightened up and looked at him with a little bit of fear.

"I'm okay, I promise," he assured her, "I'm just tired."

Hitomi nodded, as her eyes started tearing. She gave an inward grimace, embarrassed and annoyed that she was pathetic enough to begin crying.

Van watched, with amusement, her battle until he grabbed her face, forcing her to look at him.

"Tomi, don't kill yourself, you're pregnant; you're allowed to be irrationally hormonal," he laughed gently.

Hitomi smiled weakly, her eyes watering even more before she quickly hugged him with all the force she could. She was mad at him for scaring her like he did, but her relief that he was okay was far greater, so she succumbed to that emotion rather than the other.

"I was so worried when Allen told me," she whispered into his chest.

Van didn't say anything, he knew it wouldn't do any good.

"Van you're such an idiot," she choked.

He started laughing lightly, as she pulled away. Her eyes were even more dynamic now that they were a little red.

"You're staying with me, by the way," she told him after wiping her eyes.

"I can take care of myself," he objected.

Hitomi lifted one eyebrow and gave him a look, "like you did in LA?"

"Touché," he acknowledged.

Hitomi smirked at him, as he took her hand.

"How's the baby, by the way?" he asked as he took his suitcase from her before she lifted it.

"I'm pregnant, not an _invalid,_" she remarked as he put the luggage into the trunk of her car.

Van shrugged, "same thing..."

Hitomi rolled her eyes.

Van closed the trunk and looked at her expectantly.

"_He's_ fine," she smiled.

Van stopped for a second and his eyes widened as what she had said registered with him. A smile spread across his face like she had never seen before.

Hitomi began laughing as he started screaming and lifting her up.

"Stop it Van," she told him, her embarrassment taking over.

"Kiss me," he told her.

Hitomi blushed, "_here?_"

Van nodded.

Hitomi gave a shy smile and gave him a quick peck.

"I said a _kiss_, not a breif and awkward contact of lips," he said, his tone dripping with sarcasm.

Hitomi desperately wanted to but was afraid that she wouldn't be able to stop, once again. However amidst her contemplation he had kissed her.

The kiss was electric, she hadn't felt his lips in so long, that it was a high equivalent to Van's Heroin. Hitomi grabbed his collar and pulled him in closer so that their bodies were pressed together. As the kiss heated, Van pressed her against the car so that she couldn't go anywhere, then he began pulling up the hem of her top. Hitomi stiffened a bit, but he continued to kiss her, relaxing her again. It was only when he continued pulling up the shirt that she quickly stopped his hand with hers. They were momentarily frozen mid-kiss, he could detect her fear easily and pressed his palm against her barely swollen belly. Her hand slackened on top of his as he gently caressed her skin.

"Mommy!! Look!" a small infantile voice exclaimed.

This sudden interruption caused Hitomi to jerk away quickly, but she couldn't move anywhere since Van was pinning her down against the car. Her embarrassment was so overwhelming, that she wanted to die.

"That's how people get diseases or _pregnant_," the child's mother seethed, grabbing the child's hand and pulling her along. All the while, keeping a steady glare on Van and Hitomi.

Once the woman had disappeared, Van turned back to Hitomi with a wicked grin on his face, while she was burrying hers in her hands.

"Tomi," Van soothed.

Hitomi shook her head, and uttered a muffled _no._

"She's gone," he told her.

Hitomi opened her fingers and peered out, gradually taking her hands away.

"Stop smiling you jackass," Hitomi chided, with slight amusement.

Van continued smiling.

"You _love_ watching me squirm... why are men so sick?" Hitomi asked leaning into him, in hopes that he would get off her.

Unfortunately Van was too strong for her and continued to hold her down.

"Van... we need to go," Hitomi said sternly.

Van backed up allowing her to move.

Hitomi quickly got into the driver's seat and started the car. Once Van got in she stared at him.

"What?" he asked.

"She was right you know," Hitomi said.

Van gave her a confused expression, 'come again?"

"It _is_ how people get pregnant... I'm a prime example," Hitomi told him, reversing.

"Are you upset about that?" Van asked.

Hitomi looked at him worried, "no, I just don't want people thinking less of me. I really don't want to have to prove that I deserve respect just because I'm pregnant."

Van could see where she was coming from; getting a girl pregnant made a guy a God, but when it came to the girl she was ridiculed and looked down on.

--

When they arrived back at her place, Van raced to the trunk so that she wouldn't have to carry anything.

"Oh shit, you're going to be a pain in the ass," Hitomi stated blandly.

Van gave her an exaggerated smile as he ran past her into the house.

However once she was inside, she was barely in before he grabbed her.

"Why are you always horny?" she asked him as he began sucking the side of her neck.

"Don't pretend you're not," he told her, "you haven't been laid for as long as I have, you want me."

Hitomi laughed, " you _wish_."

Van stopped and looked her directly in the eye, 'I _know_."

Hitomi had barely had time to breathe before she was hypnotized by his garnet eyes. He was right, she had been almost desperate to have him touch her again. They had been so desperate to make love that they didn't even make it to her bedroom.

He had pulled her down on him as soon as they reached the living room. As he let her reach the floor he took off his shirt within seconds, so that by the time she was lying down he was on top of her.  
His skin was warm, and soft... so soft, his bronzed body was melting against hers. Fumbling, she attempted to remove her top, but only got half-way since his arms were on either side of her. As he pulled away from her, he helped her lift off the light shirt and had her bra undone in seconds.  
Hitomi didn't waste any time, she wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him fully on top of her.

In order to support himself he placed his forearm above her head, while the other traced the curves of her body.

Reluctantly he pulled away from her and undid his pants, as she undid her own. Once they were both uncovered, he descended back onto her. As he traced her body with kisses she was able to expose her full arousal.

"Van... I-- Oh God I missed you..." she breathed heatedly.

Van smiled into her skin, then planted a long wet kiss on her shoulder.

When he received her response, he quickly went back to her mouth. He hadn't remembered how much he enjoyed her body, her scent and her voice. He hadn't been touched like that in almost a month. When he lifted his pelvis, she welcomed him as he eased into her.

A sharp gasp erupted from her throat as she arched her back against the sensation. Hitomi propped herself up on one elbow as she met him in a wet kiss.

"Told ya..." he breathed.

* * *

Somewhere throughout their actions they had ended up on her bed, where Van was now sleeping. Hitomi had woken up before him and couldn't tear herself away from him, partially from fear and unadulterated desire to be near him.

He was sleeping so soundly, like he hadn't done in years. Gently she moved his bangs from hies eyes to get a clear view of his perfect face. For moments she stared at him; she tried to memorize every angle and curve of his face and body. Delicately she took one of his hands and stared at the callouses adorning his fingers. Gradually she traced along his inner arm, past the tattoos at his wrist the the crease of his elbow.

The blisters from the constant injections were clear, although they were beginning to heal, there was no mistaking the mutilated skin. Her eyes dodged back and forth from his face to his arm. There was a sharp jab at her heart as she thought about what he did to himself.

Just as she was about to get up, slightly sickened, he moved, taking her hand. Slowly she looked back at him; he hadn't moved anything other than his hand. He still lay in the same dormant pose she had watched him in only seconds prior.

"Stay..." he asked softly.

Hitomi didn't move for a moment, and seeing as she was still Van gently opened his eyes and turned to her.

"Don't be so quick to leave, you never know when I won't be here..." he trailed off, closing his eyes.

Hitomi was put a bit on edge at what he said and slid beside him. She lay her torso on top of his so that her head was off his shoulder. His arms gently enveloped around her as she relaxed against him.

"Don't say that..." she whispered.

The serene smile disappeared from his face as he opened his eyes and looked down at her. She met his gaze by looking up at him with slight fear.

"I'm not going anywhere Tomi..." he assured her gently, "I'll be here for a while, you'll be fed up with me."

Hitomi shook her head, "never..."

Van gave her a quick squeeze as he pulled her in to kiss her forehead.

* * *


	6. Let's Go Get Stoned

I need some reviews!!

* * *

The weeks had flown by, and Van was actually happy. Happy without the use of chemical substances, he would occasionally smoke a joint but otherwise he was naturally happy. The time he had off had been a blessing, there was no need to stress out about getting gigs or extra pressure to write songs, everything had been taken care of. The three of them would get together to practice but other than that they were able to forget about the band and just be friends.

Nothing had been done about the marriage in terms of planning it, but neither one seemed to be too worried about it. There was also the added bonus of Hitomi not becoming a blimp like most women, it just looked like she was a bit heavier. Aside from that she could easily cover it with a sweater. Van had persuaded her into coming on tour with him, even though they would still be touring by the time she was due.

It was only a matter of days before they would hit the road for their first tour, and Hitomi was going nuts.

"Van I don't know, I really shouldn't be going," Hitomi protested while putting things into a suitcase.

Van just stood in the doorway watching her.

"What if I get huge and you don't want to be seen with me. Or what if you don't want the baby anymore because you can see how gross I am... What about the doctor, what am I going to do, and I will need to see a doctor," she panicked.

Van silently walked from the doorway so he was behind her and weaved his arms around her waist, resting his hands on her stomach. He kissed the side of her neck, "everything is going to be fine."

Hitomi leaned against him, "how do you know? How is it that you can tell me that and I honestly believe you?"

"You trust me," he answered.

Hitomi looked significantly more relaxed but still had a slight inhibition.

* * *

Finally the tour had started. They had been on the road to their first venue, which none of them really knew where it was. Nevertheless, they were content not to question anything.

They had been on the road for a good, long period of time, so when the bus finally came to a stop they had been thrilled to get onto solid ground. The venue was huge, it was an enormous amphitheatre that was centred in the heart of the city. Van figured it was an odd location for that particular kind of theatre but didn't question it.

It was strange not to have to get all their equipment ready themselves but it was nice at the same time. The extra time gave them a chance to get acquainted with the site and the other bands.

The bands were mainly local groups that were just playing like Allen, Gaddes and Van had before they were signed. So for the most part none of them had heard of the bands.

When the show had started everyone was excited to play, it had been quite a while since they had played in front of an audience, especially one of this size. Van's band had been headlining the event, thus they were the last act, which meant they had been waiting forever to go on.

Once it came time though, they were more than ready.

Van walked onto the stage, guitar in hand, quickly hooking it up before saying anything.

"Hello...whoever you are!" Van greeted, "I can safely say I have never been here before-- but you are a great crowd!"

The crowd began cheering louder.

"Now... because of that fact I want to do something with all of you as my witnesses," Van began, "but I will need some help."

Allen and Gaddes looked at Van.

"What are you doing?" Allen asked.

Van covered the mic, "you'll see."

Allen rolled his eyes and allowed Van to continue. Gaddes just watched with curiosity and amusement, Van was full of surprises and would never disappoint.

"Okay, so I need some help. Can Ben Retsz from Red Setter come join me on stage?" Van asked scanning the crowd then looking back stage, "also can I have Hitomi Kanzaki join me as well?"

The audience was for the most part game for anything but absolutely oblivious to what Van was doing. After a few minutes Ben had appeared on stage with Hitomi following soon after.

"Thanks guys, " Van said to them both.

Hitomi did not look comfortable but she hid it well, Ben just looked stunned.

"Now, I bet absolutely everyone here is going, _what the fuck is he doing_?" Van said, "well, honestly the idea only came to me a few hours ago."

Everyone stared with excitement and intrigue.

"Okay, so as you all know Ben in the bass player in Red Setter, but what I bet you didn't know is that he's an ordained minister," Van laughed, "he doesn't look that old does he?"

Ben gave him a look, "thanks man."

"This girl here, is my fiance," a huge eruption of groans came from the crowd, "sorry girls... and guys? Anyway, I thought _what_ _the_ _hell_, let's get married right here."

The crowd began screaming and cheering.

Hitomi's eyes widened, "so much for small."

Van looked at her, a shy smile had stretched across her face.

"You two down?" Van asked regarding Ben and Hitomi.

Ben shrugged, "what do you want me to do?"

"Marry us," Van stated.

"Quickly," Hitomi added, not wanting to be on the stage any longer.

And there it was. There was the Fanel wedding, true to its name. Nothing would have suited them more than a wedding at his concert. Hitomi was clad in a simple blue summer dress, where Van was wearing tattered shorts and a T-shirt, accompanied by his guitar. Ben had made it quick with his _Do you take _bit, just when it came to the ring exchange part Van surprised everyone with a silver eternity band. Hitomi had been so happy and surprised that she kissed him too early, throwing Ben off a little.

"Uh, you may kiss the bride I guess," Ben suggested mid kiss.

Hitomi pulled away and walked off the stage quickly, Van watching her the entire time.

"Congrats man," Ben offered as he left the stage too.

Once both of them were gone Van took to the mic again.

"Now, for the music," he said, quickly giving it to his guitar.

--

It had been a good show, a little rusty Van had admitted but decent, everyone else had been oblivious to some of his off notes and syncopation. He hadn't seen Hitomi for the rest of the night, but assumed she was in bed a long time.

After the show was fully over Van and the guys had been able to talk like they hadn't in a long time. A few more guys from other bands had joined them in their hotel room and had a small party going, without any women. Simply men and alcohol.

"So, man that was a pretty big step," one of the guys said regarding Van.

"Huh?" Van asked taking a sip of his beer.

"One vag for the rest of your life," he continued.

Van laughed slightly, but before he could respond Allen, who was drunk, had interjected.

"Well he's already knocked her up, what else could he do?"

Van just stared at him, wondering where the hell that came from.

"Whoa, I guess that means you're obligated, I feel bad for you man," the guy had said.

"Don't, things are good," Van said slowly, resentment evident in his tone.

"Alright man... well I'm gonna go, I need some sleep,"

"See ya," Van called as a the few guys that came followed with him.

Once everyone was gone Van just stared at Allen.

"What?" Allen asked.

"What the fuck, I know you're drunk but you should have more class than that," Van bitched.

"Whatever man," Allen drawled out, with that he collapsed onto the floor.

"If he pukes, he's rolling in it," Van told Gaddes who was falling asleep on one of the beds.

Gaddes gave a quick thumbs up then instantly fell asleep. Van, took the other empty bed and zonked out while Allen lay in a small heap on the floor.

* * *

It was the fourth night of the tour and the second venue, and the show had barely started. Van, Gaddes and Allen were not headlining so this meant they had a slot and could leave earlier. Since they knew they weren't on too early they ended up hanging out in the parking lot with several other guys.

Van and Allen had been standing together smoking, they had already been drinking, so the were pretty hammered, when an amateur reporter for a radio station came over to them. Van started smiling when he could smell the alcohol off the guy.

"Hey man, what's up?" Van asked.

"Oh, yeah, nothing. Is it okay if I film?" he asked.

Van and Allen nodded.

"Awesome, cool, good, good," the guy ranted giving a sloppy thumbs up.

The whole time he was there Van hadn't stopped smiling.

"Okay, and -- Hey, were here with Van, Allen, and Gaddes from _Empyreal, _just chillin'," he announced, as Van put his arm around his shoulders.

"Word," Van said into the mic.

"Uh, just chillin' with the boys before they play a set, you know do an interview. So how was the ride from California, how's it been?"

"Sunny, good, warm," Van described.

"De lovely," Allen added.

"How have the girls been?" he asked.

"You know, they have been the freshiest--Fresh... est, little hoochies in California," Van said.

"Yeah were recognized for that here," he responded.

Meanwhile Gaddes had crept around to the other side of the guy, trying to get to the microphone.

"You wanna say something bro?" the guy said offering the mic to Gaddes.

"You look very nice," Gaddes stated.

"Oh thank you," the guy reacted.

Just then they spotted Dryden, and waved for him to come over.

"Have you met Dryden," Van asked walking around to see him.

Dryden came over and was introduced to the interviewer.

"Hey... keep smoking kids," Dryden greeted.

"Damn, I should have said that," Gaddes cursed.

"Just smoke everything," Gaddes continued.

"That was a good one," Allen commented.

"So what do you guys do?" the guy asked.

"I'm in a band," Gaddes opted.

"Damn, he took mine," Allen whined, opening a beer.

"...I surf," Van stated.

"Oh yeah? Do you skate?" he asked.

Van shook his head slightly, 'I can do those really uncool simple flippy things on the pavement."

"You wanna go to a skate park' hit the ramps," the guy suggested.

'Nah, I'm too fucked for that," Van laughed.

"What about you? Do you skate?" the guy asked Gaddes.

"I'm good at face plants," Gaddes stated.

"That's a good talent to have," the guy commented.

"Hey, Van, you guys are on in fifteen," one of the stage managers told him, coming over.

"Oh shit," they stated simultaneously.

"Thanks guys!" the guy called as they ran to get ready.

--

"Drive safe, later," Van said as he unplugged his guitar and left the stage.

They had just finished playing, and Van had headed down to the green room to take a break. Taking a bottle of water from the open cooler he sat down and pulled out his box of cigarettes. After realizing he didn't have a lighter, he noticed Brad from one of the other bands passing.

Brad gave him a quick nod as he entered.

"You got a light?" Van asked, gesturing slightly to his cigarettes.

"Yeah," Brad answered quickly, pulling out his lighter and handing it to Van.

Van quickly lit his cigarette and handed it back to Brad.

"So what's up?" Brad asked.

"I have no fucking clue," Van laughed, taking a drag.

"Hey, congratulations on the baby," Brad said sitting down as the thought came to him.

"Oh thank you, that's nice to know... It's a boy," Van informed him.

"I have two, I have two boys," Brad stated.

"_Two," _Van repeated, "they at the show?"

Brad nodded.

"Tomi is too," Van stated.

"Yeah, well you gotta see them sometime," Brad said.

"So, what's up man?" Van sighed, shoving the box of cigarettes into his pocket.

"I'm having a good time with you," Brad laughed.

"Yeah... I'm drinking the hard stuff tonight," Van said shaking his bottle of water, "you gotta take at least one night a week off, they say... I should really start doing that."

"Well you're not," Brad laughed.

Van started laughing, and took a drink of water.

* * *

Van had been doing well without his Heroin. He had been clean for a good five months, unfortunately his good streak was about to stop. Van, Allen and Gaddes had decided to go out with a bunch of the other guys that they had met on the tour, considering it was their last night at that particular venue.

The night had been random chaos, that was to be expected. There were drugs, alcohol and of course there had been an abundance of groupies. Gaddes and Allen had smoked a few joints along with Van, but when it came to the Heroin they had both copped out.

"Van, you can't you know what'll happen," Gaddes told him.

Van was stoned, he only wanted to improve his high, and he knew that Heroin was just the thing to do that for him.

"Van think about Hitomi and the baby," Allen tried.

Van was quiet for a moment, then shook his head, "this won't affect them, it'll be fine guys, really."

With that Van had taken the syringe and injected himself with his poison. Allen hadn't realized that Van had used the same syringe.

"Van, let's go," Allen ordered through his stoned veil.

Van had become very complient and quickly followed them out the door. Luckily they hadn't been driving, and the hotel hadn't been far, so they were in walking distance. Van had become so smashed that he was having extreme difficulty walking back, thus he had to be supported by Gaddes and Allen.

Upon reaching the hotel, they took Van to his room, and Gaddes stayed with him while Allen went to Hitomi's room.

Hitomi had been asleep, but Allen felt it was necessary to wake her up for this.

She hadn't been difficult to wake, nor had she been unlivable, "Allen?"

"Hey," he said stepping away from her uncomfortably.

It was always weird talking to Hitomi considering their past. At one time they had both been extremely infatuated with the other, except it was not to the same degree. While Allen had actually been in love with her, Hitomi had come to realize there was nothing of substance in their relationship and had come to fall in love with Van. It had hurt the most to Allen because he had not moved on like she did, and he also had to see her everyday. The fact that Van was so ruthless and unpredictable irked Allen, because it was the exact opposite to how he was with Hitomi, and that wasn't what she wanted.

"Do you need anything?" she asked a little groggily.

"Van, was shooting up tonight," Allen confessed.

Hitomi gave him a look of disbelief, "is he okay?"

Allen nodded, "he's fine, or as much as he can be, he's just high."

Hitomi had adjusted quickly to being awake and allowed all her thoughts to settle.

"I can't stop him..." Hitomi mused.

"We tried," Allen said.

"Why is he such an idiot Allen?" Hitomi asked, the anger creeping into her tone.

There wasn't anything Allen could say to change things, although there was the nagging thought in the back of his mind that she wouldn't be pregnant and living in fear of Van's life if she had just chosen Allen.

"Hitomi, I..." Allen started.

"I can't deal with this," she half-yelled, "I can't be worried about him killing himself, and keeping this baby healthy."

"Hitomi," Allen calmed, resting his hand on her shoulder, " don't stress out, it's not good for you."

Hitomi glared at him, she hated how ignorant he could be, and then how he would cover it up with concern, " Allen, save it. I know what is and what isn't good for me and the baby, that's what I have a doctor for."

Allen just stared at her, he had no idea what to say.

Hitomi let out a breath, "I'm sorry Allen, he's just such an idiot sometimes... plus I have crazy mood swings."

Allen offered a forgiving smile, " I'll do my best to keep him out of trouble."

Hitomi smiled softly, "I know. Well, he isn't going to take it easily and just stop, it has to be gradual."

Allen nodded, " I know, I just thought I should let you know as soon as possible, and save you from blowing up tomorrow with him."

"Thanks," she said softly.

Just before he left, trying to leave her on a better thought, he tried to change the subject, "so how's the baby?"

Hitomi looked at him a little confused, "he's healthy."

"How far are you?" Allen asked.

"Almost eight months," Hitomi said rubbing her, finally, swollen belly, "I was beginning to worry that something was wrong when I wasn't really getting bigger, but I guess he had a growth spurt."

Allen smiled awkwardly.

"Allen don't force yourself to make conversation, it's just as awkward for me," she told him.

"Thank you," he said graciously as he left the room.

* * *


	7. Don't Push

hey . SO this is revised thanks to a WONDERFUL writer and reviewer, she has helped me very much with my work so if any of you think it's better, that is thanks to her! Lil' Dinky

* * *

Van had been under close surveillance after they had left for the next city. Everyone had become aware of his delving back into Heroin, but no one wanted to pressure him into stopping. Allen had tried to act as his conscience and drug buddy, so he wouldn't appear too condescending. Gaddes hadn't really known how to react toward Van when he was shooting up, instead he would try to get him to smoke pot if Van had been insistent on getting high, as a better option. Hitomi, on the other hand, had been a bit more standoffish, rather than compliant to Van's newly restarted, bad habit. She hadn't been obvious about her sudden resentment to his habit, but she wasn't as comfortable as he wanted her to be.

For the most part Hitomi and Van didn't see a lot of each other on the tour, which could have been seen as a good thing _or _a bad thing. They weren't in each other's way but at the same time, the lack of the other's presence was somewhat straining their relationship. It wasn't as if the sudden marriage had caused anything to change in how they saw each other, but since the music was so demanding there wasn't a lot of down time. Hitomi didn't see things as her being neglected, she wasn't exactly dying to see Van when he was on Heroin.

However things were about to change.

It was three in the morning, and the tour was currently situated in Pheonix**; **Arizona, when Hitomi's water broke. It had been uncomfortable to begin with, considering the heat, but the worst part was the timing. Hitomi had been pacing in her room for about half an hour debating whether or not she should wake anyone. She had come close, several times, to calling a cab herself and taking it too the hospital, but every time she tried she stopped herself.

Nothing had started hurting yet, so she wasn't in too much of a panic, this was part of the reason she thought she could wait. Often she kept cursing herself for even thinking about going on tour, but in the end there wasn't much she could do.  
It wasn't as if she was mad at Van, she just didn't want to disturb him, even though she knew he was the main person she should call. She knew he was currently still playing a show, considering it was a benefit for something that ran all night, but she didn't care to think about what it was for.

Finally, she ended up calling Dryden, knowing that he at least wouldn't be on the stage.

After quite a while he picked up the phone, annoyance lining his tone, "what?"

"Uh, Dryden?" Hitomi choked.

She had started crying at some point and she was still a little choked up.

"...who is this?" he asked, genuinely confused.

"Uh, it's Hitomi," she said a little clearer.

"Do you think this could wait, Van is still playing," Dryden bargained.

"No," Hitomi said quickly, new tears erupting.

"Whoa, okay okay, what's the big deal?" Dryden asked backing off a bit.

"My water just broke," she told him, drying her face.

"ohhh shit," he drawled out.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know what to do," Hitomi apologized.

"No, no it's fine, I'll be right there," Dryden assured her, and hung up.

Hitomi slowly put down the phone, grabbing her suitcase to go and wait downstairs.

After Dryden hung up, he ran back stage to tell Van what was happening. Unfortunately he wasn't able to wait long enough to get the message to Van, so he had to tell one of the stage managers to relay the message.

Dryden quickly borrowed one of his friends' vans and drove as fast as he could back to the hotel. He found Hitomi waiting outside sitting on her suticase, once he got out of the car he began running toward her. Once she saw him she began crying again.

"I'm sorry," she sobbed as he gave her a hug, "there was no one else..."

"It's okay, come on let's go," he said grabbing her luggage and running back to the van.

Hitomi walked as quickly as she could, luckily without any pain.

After they arrived at the hospital Hitomi scrambled to get out of the car, while Dryden parked.

As she made her way to the reception desk, she couldn't help feeling stupid and ridiculous.

"Ma'am, may I help you?" the woman asked.

"I think I'm in labour," Hitomi responded.

"Hold on," the woman replied, "is your doctor here tonight?"

Hitomi shook her head, "I live in Long Beach."

The woman nodded, and that's when Hitomi felt her first contraction.

"Oh...My..G--AHHH!" she screamed as she gripped the counter deathly.

The receptionist looked at her a little scared, but calmed herself quickly, "we'll get you to a room quickly."

Hitomi nodded, breathing out rather quickly.

Just then Dryden showed up, "hey--oh shit."

Hitomi started laughing, even though she desperately didn't want to.

"Tomi, you need to sit," Dryden told her, trying to take her to a seat.

Hitomi shook her head, "I'm fine, I can handle stand--" as another contraction hit, she was cut off from the amount of pain, allowing Dryden to guide her to a seat.

She wasn't long sitting before some nurses showed up with a wheelchair to take her to her room. There wasn't a long journey to a room, but it was the most agonizing few minutes she had experienced until then. Once she was situated in a room and stable in a bed a doctor came in and introduced himself.

"Hi, I'm Dr. Frejik I'm going to be delivering your baby, so how are you doing?" he asked immediately.

Hitomi wanted to slap him for asking such a stupid question, wasn't it obvious she was in a lot of pain, "when do I get the epidural?"

The doctor started laughing warmly, "soon, don't worry."

Hitomi couldn't help but hate him, and suddenly empathize with Van's drug addiction a little.

"How far along are you?" the doctor asked, checking her dialation.

"Uh..." Hitomi began struggling to get the answer, the pain was so distracting that the simple question had been anything but, " uh, almost eight months."

The doctor nodded, "okay, well you're not dialated enough yet and luckily the baby doesn't seem to be in any trauma yet, but as soon as we get him out we'll need to take him to an ICU."

Hitomi's face contorted into extreme worry, "what!"

"This is a pre-mature birth, it's dangerous," the doctor said, " I'll be back soon to check how dialated you are."

With that the doctor left her alone. Hitomi's panic level had increased seriously, making her worry even more if it would hurt the baby.

* * *

Meanwhile, back at the show Van had just received the news, as the SM ran onto the stage during their set change.

Van had stood still for a second, quickly followed by him jumping around screaming. Fans and everyone else, were excited but had no idea why.

Van took notice of it quickly and ran to the open mic, "Hitomi's having the baby!"

The crowd blew up. There had never been that much screaming and yelling for them ever.

"See ya," Van saluted as he ran off stage, handing a guitar to a stage hand, "thanks man."

Allen and Gaddes had to be extremely quick to catch him since he was moving so quickly.

"Dude, can I borrow your car?" Van asked one of the guys outside.

"Yeah," he said quickly taking a swig of his drink.

"Thanks man," Van said, as he took the keys.

"I better drive," Gaddes advised, "you just had a hit."

"It was about twenty minutes ago," Van said getting into the back, while Allen took shotgun.

Gaddes rolled his eyes, and reversed the vehicle and drove out onto the empty street.

--

Van had arrived at the hospital at about four thirty, and had no idea what to do from there, considering he was still slightly high.

"Just ask for her room number," Gaddes told him.

"Dude, he's gonna know," Van whispered loudly.

Allen took the initiative and asked the receptionist where Hitomi Fanel was.

The woman quickly told him, and then the three of them were off to find 508.

As they were walking Gaddes started to laugh.

Allen and Van looked at him confused.

"Do you realize that Van called the woman at reception a_ he_?" Gaddes informed.

Van began laughing a little, "dude, she was fugly."

Allen began laughing even harder.

Van gave him a dazed smile.

"You really are a bitch Van," Allen said.

"Hopefully your son isn't," Gaddes said.

Van gave him an uncertain look, "I've got some pretty dominant traits Gaddes, don't count on it."

--

At last they reached her room. Van was just about to go in when he heard screaming.

"I... maybe I shouldn't go in there," Van hesitated.

Allen and Gaddes gave him a look.

Just then they heard Hitomi screaming again, "I don't want him touching me again!"

With that Van paled, as Gaddes and Allen tried to hold back laughs.

"Smooth, buddy," Allen commented patting him on the back and taking a seat outside the room.

Just as Van was about to go in Dryden appeared from around the corner.

"Dryden?" Allen asked.

"I took her here," he said defensively, " I was just trying to call you now."

Van stared at him for a second until Hitomi screamed again.

"Get in there stupid," Dryden ordered.

As Van spun around to open the door to the delivery room he heard another scream followed by a shrill cry; the cry of a new born baby. Van froze, he had just heard his son's first contribution to the world and he couldn't seem to move. Suddenly a group of people emerged from the room, causing Van to stumble back out of their way. They were all gathered around something like an incubator on wheels, and rushing to get out of that room. After the mess of people and noise had gone, Van almost ran into the room. His shock and curiosity had motivated him enough to move quickly.

When he got into the room it was empty aside from Hitomi's still form. Silently Van moved around the bed so that she could see him. Her body was completely limp, her hair was plastered to her face, and her breathing was slow and shallow. Her face was solemn and tired, her eyes barely moved to look at him.

"Hitomi..." Van whispered.

"He's gone..." she choked.

"What?" Van asked slowly as he came closer to her.

"They took him to an ICU," Hitomi told him, her voice cracking.

Van pulled up the chair beside the bed so it was very close to her. After a few moments of silence Hitomi moved closer to him and planted a huge slap across his face. After watching his reaction, she immediatly regretted her action and started crying and apologizing.

Van acted as if she hadn't done anything and in one quick movement he had her in his arms, "hey... it's okay... I deserved it."

"Van... what if he's not okay..." she sobbed.

Van gave her a soft kiss, and rubbed the tears from her cheeks with his thumbs.

"He's going to be fine," he assured her.

Just then the doctor appeared in the doorway.

"Hi, the baby is stable, but he will have to stay in the ICU for quite a while," the doctor said.

"How long is a while?" Hitomi asked as she tried to compose herself.

Van stayed silent, he didn't want the doctor to know that he was high.

"Two to three months..." he said.

Hitomi almost started crying again, but managed to stay calm.

"I take it you're the father," the doctor said.

Van cursed himself inwardly,_ damn I thought I was off the hook_.

"Hey," Van greeted excitedly, an extreme opposite of how he was a second ago.

"Congratulations," the doctor said just as he left.

--

On that very hot December morning the product of careless sex had been produced. At 4:46 AM, Dylan Lyre Fanel was born. Weighing 5.6 lbs, jet black peach fuzz atop his head, a darker pigment and face like his father's, but two eyes of emerald, which had been direct inheritance from his mother.

--

* * *

Hitomi had stayed in the hospital with the baby for the remainder of the tour's stay in Arizona. Van had continued with the tour however he would be driving back and fourth from venue to hospital. However once the tour had left Arizona Dylan and Hitomi would be flown by Helicopter to the nearest hospital in Long Beach.

On one of the last nights at the hospital in pheonix Van and Hitomi were both there with Dylan.

"Van... I'm already in love with him and it's only been a week," Hitomi whispered as she rocked the small baby in her arms.

"Tome, he's going to be okay I promise," Van assured her.

Hitomi nodded, " I know... I just can't help thinking about the worst."

"You can't think like that," he told her, "it's not going to help anything."

--

Once Dylan and Hitomi were brought back to Long Beach, Van had gone with them, which meant that he had to opt out of the last few gigs. Luckily there had only been four left.

It had been a trying time, since it tested both of them. Luckily things were proving to be turning out for the better.

* * *


	8. Hope

Hey, so I read the last few chapters and was somewhat less than impressed, so I really want to try and make this a good one. It does need more description.

* * *

When the tour had finally ended, Van was left on a good note. After seeing his son, something had clicked in Van's mind and he had stopped his abuse of Heroin. Everyone had been grateful of his sudden epiphany, and trusted him, seeing as he was the one to stop himself.

Dylan's addition into Van's life had greatly improved his attitude and overall perspective. Now that he had a son --and had almost lost him-- it had brought him a totally different perspective on life and a happiness than his drugs could have. Things had begun changing on his scale of importance to what the typical person would value. Although, even with his newly changed lifestyle some things never changed. He was still a horny musical genius, something that everyone knew wouldn't change.

Instead of going to Los Angeles to record or practice, Dryden had given them the ability to work in Long Beach. It had mostly been done to accommodate Van since the band wasn't much without him. Van hadn't wanted to leave for long periods of time, because of his new son and Hitomi. So what had ended up happening was, a make shift recording area had been made in Van's basement. That was their main recording spot but they had also gone to local studios, to get a better finish on some songs. Having the basement as their studio had been convenient for Van and the rest of them, however it had caused a lot of problems with the neighbours.

The constant loud music, had been quite the disturbance, especially considering they would play at all hours of the night, even with the baby sleeping. Dylan had a lot more tolerance for the music than the next-door neighbours.  
There was also the marijuana factor; they all continued to smoke pot, and had become notorious for it. When Gaddes had his dogs over, which was almost all the time, they would constantly be barking, causing even more of a disturbance.

The dogs would cause the most problems, but none of them wanted to get rid of them during practice. They also liked the fact that it pissed people off.

--

They had been in the middle of a casual recording session on a cooler day in February. It had been a little over two months since baby Dylan's arrival, a time period in which Van had never been so scared in his life. The first few weeks of Dylan's life had not been good, since he was premature there had been difficulties that normally would have been nothing to a full term baby. Simple things were going wrong which were direct signals indicatig that the baby would not survive, but through all the doubt and conflict Dylan had made incredible progress. After about two months at the hospital his health had improved so greatly that they were able to take him home earlier.

The phone rang for the third time during their practice and they had finally decided to pick it up. They all knew that it was the woman who lived next-door, a twenty eight-year-old prude. Van slowly put down his guitar and reached over Dylan to get the phone.

With a lack of expression he rested the phone in the crook of his shoulder, pressing it up against his ear as he continued to play with Dylan. There was no need for him to start the conversation, she immediately began yelling and bitching about the inconvenience they were.

"_Mr_. _Fanel_, would you _please_ tell your damn dogs to shut-up! I need some quiet, it's not enough that you're there playing your _music, _you have to have the dogs barking too! This is the last time I'm warning you, the next problem I am calling the police for your utter lack of respect to the rest of the public!"

"Oh," Van said simply, as Dylan started giggling.

"God help us, if that child grows up to be anything like you," she seethed, "if the woman has any sense she'll take the child and leave you."

That was the conclusion to the phone call, as she hung up directly after her last word.

"What did she say this time?" Allen asked.

Van looked over at him, "same shit."

As Dylan started laughing, Gaddes and Allen gave Van unsure looks. Van quickly caught on to what they were gesturing at and gave a slight laugh and and exaggerated tensing of his shoulders.

"Sorry buddy," Van said gently to Dylan.

Dylan just wriggled around on his back, his little fists grabbing the air fiercely in his fit of excitement. Little laughs came out in bursts and squeals as he desperately tried to grab his Daddy. Van started laughing as the month old child was already showing signs of himself.

"Look at him go!" Van exclaimed.

Allen and Gaddes started smiling like middle aged women at a baby shower. They hadn't seen Van that excited about anything while sober, not to mention the object being a baby. Infact they weren't sure they had been that excited about something that simple.

Just then, another call came in. Van rolled his eyes and picked up his guitar, starting back up where he left off playing for Dylan. As the phone continued to ring, Allen got up and answered it. Van looked up at him to see his reaction when his neighbour started bitching, except his face stayed relaxed.

When Allen continued to stay calm on the phone Van had lost interest and refocussed on Dylan squirming on the blanket in front of him.

"He really likes the music," Gaddes commented.

Van looked up with a large smile and nodded.

"Hey guys," Allen said, getting their attention quickly, "we gotta go get the dogs, they're out on the street."

"Who said _that,_" Van asked, looking at Dylan.

"Van get up, we gotta get them," Allen ordered.

"Okay, I'm going," Van said picking up Dylan carefully.

The three of them ran up the stairs and bounded out the door to find the dogs, which were not in clear vision. When they heard barking they all began running toward it, each looking as ridiculous as possible. Van looked mildly insane; his unruly hair flying around his face, with no shirt on exposing all his tattoos, shorts and black sneakers, each sock a different length with a baby in his arms. Gaddes was a bit more frantic, he clearly wasn't a runner which was evident in his form, as he dodged all over the place. Allen took long abnormal strides, and looked somewhat like a Kangaroo the way he bobbed up and down.

As they got to the dogs, Van's neighbour appeared before them. Her long brown hair was done into a tight bun, while she adorned a very well put-together, casual pants and camisole. Her face was stiffened into an expression of complete malice, as she was ready to castrate them.

Each of them stood still, Allen and Gaddes holding the dogs by their collars, while they exchanged worried glances with Van who held the baby. The woman just stood there, her glare never leaving Van, while her hands rested firmly on her hips. In the moments of awkward silence Dylan had started laughing and wiggling in his father's arms, which didn't help Van's attempt at being serious as he struggled to keep a straight face.

As Van opened his mouth to speak she quickly cut him off, "save it!"

"I was--" he started.

"Those stupid dogs are scaring my cats, and trampling my garden!" she yelled.

Van gave a slightly confused expression as he thought about what she was saying and how it was more likely to fit the vocabulary of a sixty-year-old woman.

"Is something funny?" she asked bitterly.

Van quickly snapped out of what he was thinking and realized that she had been talking that entire time and he hadn't heard a word of it.

"Look at you! You look like high school trash, irresponsible enough to knock-up his girl friend. I feel sorry for that child," she seethed, "anyone who is unlucky enough to have you as a father should be put out of their misery!"

Van processed what she was saying, he knew she was severely insulting him, but it sort of sounded like she was threatening him as well as his child.

As she turned around to go back into her house, the three of them started laughing.

"Man, that chick needs to get laid," Gaddes commented.

"Dude, she totally wants me," Van boasted, lifting up Dylan so he was face to face with him, "but I've already got your Momma."

Dylan grabbed at Van's face.

"What crawled up her ass and died?" Allen asked as they locked the dogs in the back yard.

"I don't know, she's always been a bitch," Van said, covering Dylan's ears.

"Yeah, but she's really got a grudge against you and Dylan," Allen said.

"I think she doesn't like Dylan only because he's my son," Van explained.

"What about Hitomi?" Gaddes asked.

"I don't really know, I've never asked," Van answered.

* * *

When Hitomi got home she noticed that Gaddes' and Allen's cars were not there, so she assumed that they had gone home. Quietly she entered the house just in case Dylan was sleeping, which she assumed he was.

The house was quiet and warm, no lights were on, the sun shining in through the windows was the only source of light in the house. Hitomi could smell the lingering pot in the air, it had become part of the decor, but aside from the smell it was clean and homey. As Hitomi gently walked through the house to see if Dylan was sleeping she found him not in his bassinet and not on their bed. She began walking through the house a little faster as her motherly worry began to sink in. Suddenly, she heard music floating upstairs from the basement. Her breathing went back to normal as she walked gently down the old staircase. There she found the source of the music; Van was sitting cross-legged on the floor with his guitar in hand, towering over Dylan's tiny form. As soon as he saw Hitomi he stopped singing and looked over at her while he continued to play the guitar.

She smiled softly, loving the sight of Van with the baby. He returned a mischievious smile, but continued to play the guitar softly. Hitomi gave a small laugh and a shake of her head and began walking over to them.

Dylan was asleep on his stomach, while a small pool of dribbles formed at the side of his mouth. As Hitomi stared at her baby, she couldn't help associating the child with his father. Slowly she weaved her arms around Van's neck and down his chest, breathing his scent in deeply.

"You know... that's the way to get another Dylan," Van spoke lightly.

Hitomi laughed silently afraid she would wake Dylan up, " I'm not going through that again, any time soon."

Van gently set down the guitar as she crouched behind him.

"He is beautiful though..." she breathed, "it's crazy how much like you he is."

"He's got some of your traits," Van said quietly.

"He sleeps like you," Hitomi stated softly.

"I dribble?" Van asked genuinely interested in knowing.

Hitomi tried to keep herself from laughing and at the same time keep Van quiet. She moved around Van so that she was in easy access to her baby. Gently she scooped up his light little body and held him carefully against herself. A disgruntled little cry came from Dylan but was quickly silenced as soon as she began rocking him a little. Carefully she stood up and made her way to the stairs, Van fumbling to get up and follow her.

Dylan's head was rested on top of Hitomi's right shoulder while his little chubby hands draped loosely around her neck. The black hair had thickened on his head, so he actually looked healthier. His eyes were shut as he continued to sleep, a new pool of dribbles beginning to form on her sleeve.

"Did you feed him?" She asked quietly as she made her way up the stairs.

"He wouldn't eat anything," Van told her, considering he had actually tried very hard to get something into Dylan.

Hitomi sighed quietly, "he's such a fussy baby."

Van laughed slightly, not really sure why.

"What's so funny?" she asked as she sat down on the couch upstairs, adjusting Dylan's position.

Van shook his head, "I don't know."

As Hitomi unbuttoned her blouse Van couldn't help but watch. She was getting ready to breastfeed which was probably the least sexual thing she could do, but the fact that she was barely exposing anything and so much, aroused him slightly. Her breasts had increased in size considerably, which Van had quickly taken notice of. As she skillfully undid the front clasp of her bra, she adjusted Dylan so that he was right in the way of Van seeing anything else.

Hitomi gently coaxed her baby to wake up, so that he could get some form of food into his tiny little body. As he came to consciousness he gave a little discontented cry, before Hitomi inserted her nipple into his mouth. Once he realized that it was food, his eyes relaxed along with the rest of him as he began suckling. Occasionally he would up at Hitomi and start to smile a little causing milk to trickle out of his mouth, which she would quickly sop up before it got worse.

It was clear Hitomi liked breastfeeding, due to the calm and serene expression on her face. She had a completely different way with Dylan, than Van had, although she never criticized Van on how he was with the baby. Finally she tore her eyes away from her precious baby to look at Van, who was staring intently at the feeding process.

"Van..." Hitomi said.

Van quickly snapped his head up and fixed his eyes on hers, "yes!"

"Is it interesting?" she asked.

Van wasn't really sure how to respond so he just sat there and smiled.

Hitomi shook her head and laughed slightly, "that's what breasts are for Van."

His face quickly relaxed into a knowing expression that chided her, "I know that."

Before she could respond she jumped a little releasing a small yelp.

"What was that?" Van asked.

Hitomi looked down at Dylan then back up at Van, "he bit me."

Van started laughing, "a little early for that Dylan, and not with your mom."

Hitomi's expression flattened, "he's clearly your spawn."

Van only continued to laugh as she began to remove her breast from Dylan's mouth. As she replaced herself back in her bra, Dylan began to squirm.

"Want me to take him?" Van asked coming over to her.

Hitomi easily gave him over to Van, as she fixed the rest of her clothing.

"That's not cool buddy," Van told the baby, as he sat down again.

Dylan only looked at him, his large green eyes truly confused as to what he did wrong. _Why was mommy gone?_

"Ohh, look Tome, he's sorry," Van said repositioning Dylan so that he was leaning against him, looking at her.

Hitomi smiled gently, "that hurts when you bite mommy."

"Not when I do," Van commented.

Hitomi gave him a disapproving look, "can you get your mind off your junk? Or at least contain it when the baby is in your presence?"

"You never had a problem with it before," Van said suggestively.

"We are not having sex right now Van," she confirmed.

Van's smile didn't falter, which only made Hitomi want to smile as well but she didn't want to let him know he had won.

Hitomi's eyes moved from Van's to her baby. He was more beautiful than she could have imagined, the influence of his father had been so apparent in his genes, that it was hard if not impossible to find her in the child. Dylan had already fallen asleep, his little body slumped against Van's chest, while his chubby little fist was clamped tightly around his father's thumb. As she looked at Van, she loved making the comparison with his child; his hair, his skin, his facial bone structure had all been concentrated into Dylan. Hitomi almost envied how blessed Van had been, he was too beautiful, and the fact that his son was too made it almost unfair. How was it possible to be that flawless in appearance and in personality. Hitomi felt suddenly overwhelmed with her emotion toward the two boys in front of her.

Quietly, she moved off the chair and sat down beside Van. Resting her head on his shoulder she moved her arms around his neck. They both sat in silence for a few seconds while they stared at their baby.

"I really love you," Hitomi breathed.

Van gave a small smile, "why?"

Hitomi smiled, "I couldn't even begin..."

Van turned his head as she looked up at him, "kiss me."

Hitomi smiled, remembering the last time he had given her that request. Adjusting herself, she was willing to grant his wishes as she moved closer, giving him a slow and gentle kiss. It wasn't a steamy, wet or passionate kiss like the last one, nor was it as embarrassing, but it was just as meaningful. As she pulled away, she didn't stop looking at him, she studied his face carefully trying to understand what was going through his head, but alas she had come up with nothing.

"You look really hot with a baby," she said smiling a little suggestively.

"Yeah? You don't think it screams soccer mom?" Van asked.

Hitomi's face contorted into extreme confusion, "where did that come from... that doesn't even make remote sense."

"wait...can you imagine if he liked soccer?" Van asked completely disregarding her comment.

Hitomi gave in, "what would be wrong with that?"

"Nothing, I'm just thinking, because I suck at sports...except surfing, and you aren't really into them, so it would be weird cause I'd have no idea where he got it from," Van rambled.

"Did you just make that up now?" she asked incredulously.

"...I guess," he stated.

"Are you on Heroin again?" she asked.

Van shook his head, "was it really that bad?"

"I guess not, but the way you said it was," she told him.

"Sorry," he said.

Hitomi laughed a little, "I don't know about soccer, but he will definitely have amazing musical abilities."

"Maybe he won't... maybe he'll be like your dad..." Van mused.

"My dad?" she asked.

"Remember when he tried to sing Dylan to sleep one of his first nights home?" Van asked.

Hitomi nodded slowly.

"Remember how it was so bad that Dylan began crying... really badly, and when your dad sang more it only got worse?" Van continued.

"I guess," Hitomi said.

"Your dad kept trying to convince a two month old baby that he could sing and _that_ didn't even happen. That's how bad your dad is with music... he made a baby cry," Van finished.

Hitomi bit her lip, "I never realized that..."

"You're fine, you're mom is okay, but your dad... I almost left," he said.

Hitomi smiled, "he won't be, I promise."

"Man your parents were mad..." Van mused.

Hitomi gave him a quizzical expression.

"When they found out you were pregnant... and _I_ was the father," Van laughed, " bet they would have acted differently if it was Allen."

Hitomi laughed a bit uneasily, "they were pretty mad... more so at me than you. I doubt they are now though."

"Not even a bit bitter?" Van asked.

"No, they were thrilled when they saw him, my mom didn't want me to go home," Hitomi explained as she relaxed against him.

"Where was I?" Van asked thinking about it.

"You were playing a show," Hitomi told him.

"Oh..."

"They were a little pissed off to find that he looks so much like you," she smiled.

"Hitomi, I'm sorry I wasn't there," Van said after a while.

"What are you talking about?" she asked.

"I'm sorry that you had to come on tour against your will, and that you had the baby in another state, and that your parents weren't there, and that I wasn't the first one to see you when you were in labour, and that I wasn't there when you told your parents, or when they first saw Dylan or--" he rambled.

"Van!" she interjected, "I appreciate the apology, but you really don't need to give me one, none of this is your fault... even me getting pregnant, I mean I was the sober one and we still didn't use protection. And all the other stuff you had no control over and I would never have allowed you to stop your music for me," she told him.

"I love you," he said immediately.

* * *

Hey so here is an illustration of Van and his baby ( take out the spaces):

http: / / vanoku. deviantart .com / art/ Father-and-Son- 97335956


	9. Get Ready

Buenos Diaz! Forgive me if the spanish is incorrect!

* * *

Dylan was almost three months old and progressing quite nicely, much like a full term child of his age. The only difference was that he was a little smaller than the ideal size of a three-month-old. Van had taken to Dylan so well, he would have him right there with him while they recorded usually, luckily Dylan stayed quiet enough not to be recorded as well. It was clear that Dylan was a very big fan of his father in the way he reacted to Van's presence, and how he would react when he wasn't present. That wasn't to say that he was not fond of his mother, but it was clear that Dylan was a chip off the old block.

Dylan was a very easy baby to handle, he had started eating, and had lost all the previous fussiness regarding his food. However, he would only allow his mother too feed him, and would not take bottles. That was one thing Hitomi had over Van, along with putting him to bed. Dylan would allow Van to sing to him to lull him to sleep for naps but when it came time for him to go to sleep for the night, Hitomi was essential.  
Whenever he was scared both parents had to come to his rescue or he would inquire as to where the other one was. Although he couldn't form real words or sentences it was clear by his gurgles and concerned gibberish that he had a clear thought process.

All in all, Dylan had been born into a rather unexpectedly good family.

--

It was one a hot day, an incredibly hot day and Hitomi was stuck in her hot airconditioning-free house, with her sick baby. Dylan had taken a mild cold and she hadn't wanted to leave him, even though Van would have gladly taken care of him. Hitomi had been insistant that he get some recording done with Allen and Gaddes at their local studio, since for the first time Dylan had been irritated by the loud music. Usually they had been able to play even when Dylan was sleeping, but since he had gotten a cold he had been a little irritable.

Hitomi had tried to put Dylan into bed several times, but every time she had just about made it to his crib, he had woken up an protested against her idea. He was content to sleep in her arms, or anywhere around her. After a few tries she ended up giving into her baby's whim and allowed him to sleep on her chest, wearing nothing but a diaper, while she sat outside in the backyard.

Dylan had been sleeping for a little over ten minutes, which had been very good, when their neighbour came over. Hitomi rolled her eyes as she heard the woman calling from the driveway. She had wanted to kick the woman for being so loud and obnoxious at such an inconvenient time. Slowly she put down the book she was reading and tried to adjust her position so she would appear presentable for the intruder and at the same time still keep Dylan asleep. She had ended up succeeding in both, and all in time for the woman to enter.

"Yoo Hoo!" she cooed loudly, as she appeared at the gate.

Hitomi only looked at her as smiled.

The dark-haired woman quickly took notice of the sleeping baby and made an exaggerated motion to quiet herself, just before she opened the gate.

"Hitomi!" the woman exclaimed, her voice still too loud.

"Hi Johanna," Hitomi whispered, slightly annoyed.

"I see your husband's not home," Johanna stated, finally quiet as she took a seat opposite Hitomi.

Hitomi nodded, "He's recording."

"Well, that's a relief, he is driving me insane," Johanna told her.

Hitomi did feel a bit bad that her neighbours didn't like them just because of the noise but at the same time, she preferred Van liking her to the neighbours so she didn't care enough to tell him off, "I don't know what you want me to say..."

Johanna looked a little shocked by her response, "I do respect you Hitomi, even with that _mistake_ of a husband, so I would expect you to have the sense enough to tell him to stop. He's going to end up corrupting that baby."

"Johanna, did you come over here to insult my husband?" Hitomi inquired calmly.

Johanna looked a little flustered, she hadn't been aware of her own rudeness, "I'm sorry."

"I'm aware that you don't like the noise or Van, but with all do respect you know nothing about him other than he plays music," Hitomi told her, rubbing Dylan's back as he stretched his arms out and around her neck.

Johanna didn't like being put in her place but knew Hitomi didn't deserve to be bitched at so she merely changed the subject, "he's a lovely baby, you know."

Hitomi was fully aware of what she was doing, but went along with her and smiled, "thank you."

"It's hard to believe a man like that could father such a darling child," Johanna said freely.

Hitomi scowled at her, "he's a wonderful father Johanna, and Dylan adores him."

"He's not very lively is he?" Johanna asked, completely disregarding Hitomi's comment.

Hitomi was getting angry, but held it in very well, "he's got a cold, and he doesn't want to go in his crib, so I took him out here with me."

"Aren't you hot?" Johanna asked.

Hitomi nodded, " but it's better than staying inside, plus at least there's a breeze."

"He must be warm," Johanna said gently, desperately wanting to hold the little boy.

"Hopefully it will help him sweat out the cold," Hitomi told Johanna as she adjusted his position.

"He's rather small isn't he," Johanna stated.

"He was premature," Hitomi told her, "I went into labour at seven months, while Van was doing a show."

"Where?" Johanna asked, without an undertone.

"Arizona," Hitomi told her.

"It must have been awfully hot," Johanna stated.

Hitomi smiled, "the hospital had air conditioning, but as soon as I started getting contractions they might as well have turned it off."

Johanna smiled a little distantly.

"Johanna?" Hitomi asked.

"Hmm?"

"You're a good looking girl of twenty-eight, why aren't you in a relationship?" Hitomi asked rather forwardly.

Johanna wasn't really sure how to respond and felt a little cornered.

Seeing her discomfort Hitomi quickly apologized," I'm sorry I didn't mean to be so blunt and invasive."

Johanna gave her a thin smile, "it's okay."

That was the end of that topic, it was clearly to tender to press.

"You need to stop dibbling baby," Hitomi said softly to Dylan in a way that one would only talk to a baby with.

Johanna just stared as Hitomi stroked Dylan's soft black hair, and nuzzled his head lovingly. Even though it was clear she was uncomfortable due to Dylan's saliva trickling inbetween her breasts. Dylan shifted a little again, this time putting his cheek into the liquid.

Hitomi smiled as he jerked away from the uncomfortable liquid, "not fun is it?"

"Well, I should go. It was nice talking to you Hitomi," Johanna said as she got up and headed to the gate.

"I'm sorry I couldn't be better company Johanna," Hitomi said as loudly as she could without disturbing Dylan.

Johanna simply shook her head and smiled, then disappeared down the driveway.

Once Johanna was gone, Hitomi let out a breath of relief, "she's a tough one," she whispered to Dylan.

Just then a heavenly breeze swept past them, lifting all the previous sticky heat from their bodies. Hitomi arched her back relishing the refreshing wind, while Dylan didn't really enjoy the strong breeze in his little face. Once it had passed Hitomi relaxed in her seat as Dylan woke up slowly and propped himself up on his chubby little forearms. His little mouth was set open while his big sleepy eyes adjusted to being awake. Hitomi smiled at his utter cuteness and bewilderment.

"Hello darling," Hitomi greeted lovingly.

Dylan let out a little laugh as he opened his mouth into a lazy, gummy smile.

"How are you feeling?" she asked, knowing she wouldn't get a response.

A small breeze passed, tossing his soft black hair into an odd little pile on his head, while he blinked in bewilderment.

"Do you want to eat now?" Hitomi asked quietly as she lifted up her top up and removed her breast from the bra.

Dylan had accepted without fuss, and fix himself so he was comfortable in her arms. Eventually, they had both fallen asleep, while Dylan was in a much deeper sleep than Hitomi was and remained that way for a long while.

* * *

After Van had come home, it had cooled down quite significantly and Dylan had allowed them to put him to sleep in his own bed. Finally giving them a much needed time for each other.

Hitomi had just finished getting changed for bed, and was opening the window to let the cool air pass into the bedroom.

"That feels good," she breathed as the cool night air drifted past her.

"Hey, Tomi?" Van asked from behind her.

"Hmm," Hitomi said turning around to her husband. Unfortunately she wasn't able to concentrate on what he was saying since she was too focussed on the bare upper half of his body.

"Tomi?" he asked.

"What?" she yelped.

"Did you hear anything I just said?" he asked, slightly amused.

Hitomi raised her eye brows and closed her eyes, "not a word."

"We're going on tour in a few months," he said.

_"Few months_, Van you can't leave, I just had the baby," Hitomi protested.

"Tome, we're talking nine months, not two," Van assured her walking up to her.

Hitomi sighed as he came up behind her, and the heat from his body made her much warmer than the weather did.

"I'm sorry, I just... I'm just being clingy that's all, don't mind me," she told him as she leaned against him.

"It's okay," he assured her.

Hitomi smiled as began kissing her neck, and rubbing her stomach, "he'll miss you like crazy."

Van smiled into her neck, "I love being his dad Hitomi."

She laughed softly, "I'm glad..."

Van quickly turned her around to face him, and began kissing her. Once her arms were around his neck, his hands travelled languidly over her body. Turning around, they made their way to the bed, lips still locked in a heated kiss. As the edge of the bed made contact with the backs of Hitomi's knees she dropped onto the soft surface. Van quickly followed, and towered over her in a plank, gently lowering himself to her body. While he supported himself with one knee on either side of her and his left forearm above her head, his right hand gently caressed the skin of her legs. His hand continued to move up along her body, and pull up her nightshirt, just as he was about to kiss her Dylan's cries filled the room.

Hitomi smiled and laughed as a small blush tinted her cheeks, meanwhile Van let out a disappointed sigh and retreated off her. As Van lay down against the headboard Hitomi slowly got up and crawled on top of him.

"Van," she said softly as she gave him a kiss, "he wants you too..."

"Tome..." he breathed.

"He's only a baby, he doesn't know what he's interrupting," Hitomi smiled, "don't blame him."

Van grumbled as Hitomi climbed off him and walked out of the room to attend to her baby. After a few seconds he followed in a quicker speed not wanting to prolong Dylan's torment.

"Hey sweetheart, it's alright I'm here," Hitomi soothed lifting her little baby from the crib.

Dylan's crying softed into a sniffle and a few deep gasps of air, as Hitomi began rocking him. He was about to continue just as Van came in the doorway. Hitomi smiled at Van, in a way that told him off for being angry only moments ago. The child only wanted to see him, and couldn't be blamed for it.

"See, there's Daddy, everything's okay," Hitomi cooed, stroking the hair on the back of his head.

Dylan let out a little sigh and relaxed against his mother, nuzzling his face against her shoulder.

Hitomi waited a few seconds before handing the little body into Van's waiting arms.

It was clear in the way that Dylan adjusted himself to his father's grip, that he loved him very much. He was a definite replica of his father and adored it. Just as Dylan began to sleep, he murmured a soft goodnight, "...Dah...da"

Van's eyes widened as he almost dropped his son, he couldn't blink or stop staring at Hitomi. She was in just as much shock, and the worst part about it was all she could do was smile, since she didn't want to wake him up again. As a large smile formed on Van's face she wanted even more to laugh or scream. Despite Van's desire to squeeze the baby, he gently placed him back in his crib and proceeded silently out of the room.

Once they were both back in their room, they began yelling as quietly as they could.

"Did you hear that! _Dadda! _Holy shit!" Van exclaimed kissing her.

"Before anything! Are you glad he interrupted us now?" Hitomi asked.

"He can interrupt us for a week for that one!" Van exclaimed.

Hitomi lifted an eyebrow, "A _week?"_

Van sat down on the bed, while she continued standing in front of him. The hem of her T-shirt came down to her thigh, barely covering her bottom, which had caught Van's attention as he ran his hands along her legs. Hitomi smiled gently and took his face in her hands, gently stroking his cheek with her thumb. He was just too beautiful; his eyes were of pure garnet and his skin was perfectly sun-kissed. Slowly she bent over and kissed his forehead.

"What was that for?" Van asked quietly.

Hitomi just shook her head, the smile never disappearing as she pushed him down on the bed and climbed on top of him. Her manner was not out of passion or desire, and he knew by her silence and gentleness that she wasn't trying to make moves on him. Once she had relaxed her body against him he turned so that he was facing her and brought a hand to her head.

"You okay, Tome?" he asked softly.

Hitomi nodded and pressed her body against him more, this time with a little more play in her manner. Van could feel every curve of her front as she got closer to him and found it incredibly hard to resist her. Hitomi could feel him getting a little tense and a little hard, causing her to smile at the power she had over him.

Her body was warm and supple, even through the thin layer of fabric he could feel the soft, fullness of her breasts, and the flatness of her stomach. He wanted so badly to take her down at that moment, but stopped himself, but she only made it harder for him as she moved her leg up and around him.

"Hitomi--" he was about to protest before she interrupted.

"Van," Hitomi breathed, "kiss me."


	10. 40 oz to Freedom

Hey... START REVIEWING!!

* * *

Dylan was now a four month old baby, and since that amazing night when he had chosen his first word, he had produced a vast vocabulary. Dylan had changed quite a bit in three months and he had progressed much faster than that of any other child. Although he had made such change he still had no desire to be away from either parent. This night was no exception.

Van walked into the living room to find Dylan lying on the floor on a blanket, busying himself with a mobile. He had just gotten home from a recording session, and had felt unusually drained, however the sight of Dylan had improved his energy level. Dylan had been quite content playing with the dangling objects until Van had decided to take his attention.

At the sight of his father Dylan let out a squeal of zeal, and grabbed his feet. Van had started laughing at the odd noise his child made for him and took a seat in front of him. Dylan watched his father carefully as he pulled out a vibrant green ball and began playing little tricks with him. Before long Dylan had given up the guessing game his father had been playing, by throwing his little fist down in a fit of giggles. He was not quite advanced enough to figure out why the ball was never under the hand he chose.

Van smiled as the frustrated baby sighed shoved his hands into his mouth.

Dylan managed to gurgle a noise that coaxed Van over to him.

Van allowed Dylan to bring their faces closer so that their foreheads were touching.

Dylan mumbled, as his eyes crossed due to the closeness.

Van started laughing, "you only have one eye."

Dylan started laughing and covered his eyes, pushing Van's face away.

Van laughed more at his son's actions, but before he could proceed to do anything else Hitomi appeared.

Hitomi's entrance had caught Van off guard as she stood in the doorway to their bedroom.

"How do I look?" she asked a little flustered, slight worry on her face.

Van wasn't quite able to find the words to describe how she looked. Her hair was simple and down, but it was clear that something had been done to it, by the way it framed her face so perfectly. She was wearing a simple red cocktail dress that came down to the middle of her thigh, while her feet remained bare. Van's mind began to wander as his eyes danced around her body. He had began undressing her until Dylan's input had distracted him.

"Mine," he said simply as he grabbed the green ball.

Hitomi didn't really notice what the baby had said as she came over and picked him up from the floor, however Van did because he was thinking the same thing. Only he wasn't thinking of the ball.

Once Hitomi had him in her arms, Dylan slackened and rested against her. His blue sleeper was a little wet from dribbling and his face was a little sticky. Rubbing his back she began to rock him back and forth, while she continued to stare at Van.

Her eyes were expecting but he didn't say anything, he only watched her until she finally turned away.

"Did you put this on him?" she asked when she was farther away.

Her hand was rested on the baby's head, where a red, gold and green beanie sat.

Van gave her a gesture of confirmation.

Hitomi only started laughing gently as she made her way to Dylan's room.

Dylan had already fallen asleep in her arms so there was no need for her to get Van in the room to help put the baby to sleep, which was somewhat convenient. After the baby was settled she re-appeared in the door frame of the hallway.

Van still hadn't moved from the chair.

"What do you think?" Hitomi asked a little shyly as she came closer.

"It's _really_ good," Van stated.

Hitomi smiled and walked past him into the kitchen. Van could only watch her seeing as his entire lower half had been disconnected from his spine.

"What's the occasion?" Van called. He knew that it wasn't an anniversary of any kind so he didn't feel nervous asking.

Hitomi came back into the room with two beers and a forty ounzer and set them on the table. "Nothing really, I was looking through my old clothes and I found this dress. I never had a chance to wear it so I thought I'd make one."

"I'm not complaining," Van said taking a beer and moving to the living room.

Hitomi followed after pouring some of the hard liquor into a tumbler, and took a seat on the couch tucking her legs under her.

As Van was turning the bottle cap off the glass bottle Hitomi had already finished the booze.

Van's eyes widened as a small smile came to his face, "did you enhale that?"

Hitomi knitted her brows for a second and stared at the empty glass, "that was surprisingly good."

"Tome, liquor is never good," Van told her.

"Nah, I know but that was for some reason," she said getting up and heading back to fill her glass again.

Quickly she entered the room again, and resumed her spot on the couch beside Van.

"How was he today?" Van asked.

Hitomi smiled, "wonderful, he said the whole alphabet."

"Damn," Van said and smiled, "I always miss the good stuff."

Hitomi took a small sip before answering him, "I don't know, you were there for his first word and you were the subject. In my books that's pretty damn good."

As she concluded her sentence she finished the rest of the fluid and made a start to get up. Once she got to the dining room she motioned to pour the booze into her glass again but decided against it and took the whole bottle instead. Upon her arrival back into the room Van had started laughing.

"What?" she asked, feeling slightly tipsy considering the booze was 45 alcohol.

He was half way finished his beer, and she was already on the bottle, "how are you feeling?"

"Good, damn I haven't had a drink in what? A year?" she sighed taking a swig from the large bottle.

"That sounds about right," he said relaxing in his seat.

"And considering a have to breast feed, I really shouldn't drink, but I have bottles of milk so it's all good. I am getting _wasted_ tonight!" she rambled.

Van only stared at her dying to start laughing again, she was already crossing the border of tipsy and drunk. It wasn't that she was a lightweight it was that she had been free from any substance for so long that her body was reacting as though it were the first time.

"Tome babe, you're fucking drunk," Van laughed as she finished taking another swig, which left the bottle half full.

"Not even," she denied plonking down on top of him.

She didn't say anything for a few minutes she just stared off into space and rested her chin on his chest so she could stare at him. He gently stroked her cheek and poked her nose, a smile gracing her features. The bottle of alcohol was resting beside him while she held it loosely in her hand.

"I'm not cutting you off, but babe you're wasted," he told her finishing off his beer in one big gulp.

"Get wasted with me," she pleaded.

"Give me the bottle then, " he said to her.

Hitomi smiled and lifted the bottle up to him, he took it from her gently and pressed it to his lips and took a big gulp.

"That totally turned me on," she stated dead-pan.

"Yeah, you're not doing so bad yourself," he said.

Hitomi smirked and shifted herself so she was higher up on his body, and she had much easier access to kiss him. Just when she was about to he pressed the bottle to his lips and took another drink, knowing full well that she would be annoyed.

"Fuck, if you weren't so hot I'd deprive you a month of sex for that move," she said bitterly with slight amusement.

"Yeah?" he challenged.

"Yes, " she confirmed as she quickly placed a sloppy kiss on him, she began to smile as he opened his mouth to kiss her back.

Van slowly put the bottle on the ground because he knew he would need both hands for this. Due to Hitomi's current condition she was a lot more dominant, and a lot more into it. She had adjusted herself so she was straddling his hips and completely giving herself to him through the kiss. They had pulled apart for a few seconds and just as Hitomi was about to go back to his mouth he pushed her down onto the couch, now he was on top of her.

Hitomi stared at him with an intoxicated smile, her arms were relaxed above her head and she had paid no attention to the fact that the hem of her dress had rode up quite a bit.

Van quickly came down on her supporting himself with his forearms as he breathed her scent in, "damn you look good..."

Hitomi smiled and stretched beneath him. As she moved his eyed wandered from her face and along her neck to the deep plunge of the dress' neckline. She wasn't wearing a bra, there wasn't any need for one the dress did all that work for her. The dress cupped them loosely now that she was lying down and he could see well beyond the neckline to the perfect shape of her breasts.

"What are you looking at?" she asked seductively.

His eyes snapped to her face, "your boobs."

Hitomi brought her arms down and began removing the thin straps of her dress, " why don't you get a better view."

While the straps were off, the fabric remained covering her chest and Hitomi stretched her arms out once again. She could see in Van's eyes that he wanted to completely rip the dress of her, but he was stopping himself or just trying to figure out the best way to do it.

Hitomi chose the latter as he began to slowly pull the top of her dress down, until he had both breasts fully exposed. After a few seconds of his oogling she got a little irritated.

"I realize that staring at my boobs is a treat for you, but it's really not doing anything for me," she told him.

He let out a small laugh and gave her what she wanted, pulling her back up so they were both sitting he kissed her. Her body was pressed tightly against him as they continued to make-out, his hands travelling all over her skin.

* * *

The entire evening had been a journey to freedom that they had both been longing to have. All thanks to a bottle of liquor.


	11. Right Back

Hey... START REVIEWING!!

* * *

The time that remained before Van was to go on tour was well spent. He had been a huge part of his son's life and had been clean for practically a year. Dylan's involvement in Van's life had benefited him in ways he had completely failed to notice. Although when it came to anything regarding Dylan directly, there wasn't much that went unnoticed by Van.

Dylan had progressed quite well, and it was clear that he was his father's son. Often, when Van wasn't home, Hitomi would usually find him playing with one of Van's guitars. He was usually never causing any harm, just plucking the strings or twisting the tuning pegs very much out of tune. Hitomi would watch him for a few minutes in secret to see what he would do, she found it especially comical when Dylan's little face would contort in disgust after he plucked one of his _tuned _strings. The sound of a dissonant chord would usually upset him and cause him to cry, thus it was Hitomi's queue to intervene. It was even more funny to watch Van's reaction to the out of tune strings when he went to play the instrument.

It was clear though, Van's musical influence had been the strongest on the little baby. Dylan's pitch was already getting defined, due to the games Van would play with him with differentiating between notes, clefs and major and minor keys. Everything had been simplified of course.

He had definitely inherited both his mother and father's intelligence, but Van's curiosity was a little more accented. Although he was a rather gentle child, and wasn't a fan of chaotic noise like cars, sirens, or the dryer, however he had no problem when Allen and Gaddes would come over to play music, which was never soft. Dylan never had a problem with music.

* * *

It was late September and Van's tour was only a few weeks away.

Dylan was currently sitting in the middle of their front lawn amongst a crowd of dandelions. They had amused him ridiculously, he hadn't known what to do with himself. Ultimately, after smelling, throwing and plucking their petals, he chose to eat them.

Just as the flower was in half-chomp mode, the sound of his father's voice stopped it from progressing, "Hey! Dylan! Don't eat the flowers!"

Dylan's mouth stayed open as he slowly lowered the flower and looked around in fear that he might be in more trouble.

"He looks like you right now," Hitomi told Van as she leaned against him.

Van tilted his head to get a better perspective, "Damn, I'm cute."

Hitomi smiled as Dylan waved at her from the patch of flowers.

Van and Hitomi were sitting on their front steps letting Dylan explore outside a little by himself.

Although there were other children on the street, Dylan had never been interested in playing with them. He was more to himself and incredibly shy, which was a direct trait from Hitomi. Dylan liked the comfort of his mother and father being around, it wasn't that he was afraid to try things he just liked his parents.

"Are you sure you don't want to come?" Van asked after a while.

Hitomi looked up at him and smiled remembering the last time she had come, "like the last time?"

"This time you're not pregnant," Van added.

Hitomi was silent.

"You're pregnant?" Van asked a little incredulously.

Hitomi started laughing and shook her head.

"Well then, what's stopping you then?" he said.

Hitomi watched as Dylan tried to sneak the flower into his mouth, "_Dylan..._"

Dylan began to giggle as he pushed the flower down.

"Tome?" Van pressed.

" I can't take him, it would be too hectic," she said, "and I know how you get when you're on tour. It's not fair to force you to give up your life outside us."

Van wrapped an arm around her waist, "thanks babe."

"Van?" Hitomi asked.

"Yeah,"

"Would you want another baby?"

"Yeah," he said simply and immediately.

"So... were you disappointed when I said I wasn't pregnant?" she asked a little solemnly.

Van tilted his head this way and that, "not really, I know that we don't have to rush so it's all good."

Dylan sneezed as he put the flower too close to his nose and some of the yellow pollen came off. After his first big one he let out two false alarms causing the little mass of black hair on his head to fall into his eyes.

"My brother wants to come on tour with me..." Van stated after a while.

"Wow, he's back from Israel?" Hitomi asked.

"Yeah," Van answered.

"What did you tell him?" she asked.

"Yeah, I mean I haven't seen him in a while, I mean not since you got pregnant, now he can actually see Dylan," Van said.

"When is he coming?"

"Thursday," Van told her.

"Four days before you go..." Hitomi mused.

"Yeah... I'm really looking forward to seeing him Tome," Van said.

Hitomi smiled," that's good, so how are the rest of your family?"

"Good, mom wants to start teaching Dylan piano," Van laughed.

"We could have a prodigy on our hands here Van," Hitomi joked.

"Yeah... a real musical genius..." Van stated sarcastically as the flower finally went in Dylan's mouth.

"_Dylan,_" they both chided in unison.

Dylan didn't need to be told twice as his face scrunched up, and his tongue deposited the flower onto the ground.

"Yuck," Dylan complained.

"We tried to warn you," Van told him.

Dylan only pouted and went back to blowing the fluffies off the flower heads.

"I can't understand how that child is so perfect..." Hitomi mused.

"I'm his dad, Tome," Van laughed.

Hitomi shook her head and laughed.

"I guess it sort of helps that you're his mom..." Van added.

"_Thanks Van!_" Hitomi exclaimed in sarcasm.

"Mummy," Dylan mumbled a little, as he held out a little bouquet of flowers for her.

At the sight of her son and his gesture her heart melted and she smothered her baby in hugs and kisses, "Ooohh thank you sweetheart, my little baby," she praised.

"I promise you, it's only because you're little," Van stated to his son, who was being moulded against his mother, "cause if I pulled the dandelion card every time I wanted to impress your mom, or make-up for something..."

"Daddy, you'll need a lot more than dandelions," Dylan told his father.

Van just stared at him, unsure of whether he had heard correctly.

Hitomi started laughing.

"Mummy, can I go to bed now?" Dylan asked rubbing his eyes and leaning against her.

"Of course," Hitomi smiled, "we have to feed you first though."

Hitomi got up with the baby in her arms and started back into the house.

"Shouldn't he be off the boob?" Van asked before she went in.

"He hasn't wanted to, so I'm not going to force him," Hitomi stated and walked through the door.

"Damn, that baby gets more tit than I do," Van grumbled following her in.

"We had sex last night... and this morning," Hitomi reminded Van.

"Well, not quite _he _interrupted us this morning," Van protested.

"That's not Dylan's fault," Hitomi stated as she latched Dylan onto her right nipple.

"That's true, you were the one screaming. Guess that's what woke him up," Van smirked.

Hitomi glared at him, " I do not scream."

"You do a lot more than that," Van teased, "which I am _totally_ okay with, by the way."

Hitomi gave his a smug look, "you are a jackass Van."

"I'm still doing you," he said as he walked by her giving her a rough kiss.

Hitomi wanted to kick him, but luckily Dylan was in her arms that she didn't.

"Dylan, promise me you won't turn out anything like your father," Hitomi told the baby, making sure Van heard.

"Hey! If it weren't for me you wouldn't have that baby right now!" Van called from the kitchen.

Hitomi smiled at the little baby in her arms, and whispered, "he does have a point, and heaven knows I adore you."

Dylan responded by trying to grab her nose, but settling a hand on her mouth instead.

As Hitomi finished up with feeding Dylan, she handed him to Van, "can you put him in, I'll be there in a second. I just really have to pee."

Van nodded and took Dylan into his bedroom. As Van lowered the side of the crib, he lifted Dylan's body over and gently placed him on the soft little mattress. Before pulling the side back up, Van brought Dylan's blanky up to him but not quite on him considering the heat. Once the side was up, Van leaned over and watched Dylan as he adjusted to his new surroundings and prepared to fall asleep. However Dylan was still aware of his father's presence and the lack of his mother's so he continued to stay awake and stare wide-eyed at his father.

Van began laughing softly as he noted Dylan's lack of blinking, "close you're eyes buddy, you're freaking me out."

Dylan let out a gurgly laugh and began wriggling a little.

Van brought a hand down to Dylan's belly and rubbed it, "so, you're going to see your uncle soon, you've never seen him before."

"Who?" Dylan asked simply.

"My brother, Folken," Van told him.

"Merle!" Dylan exclaimed grabbing his feet.

Van started laughing, "well they're similar, but she's your God mother, it's a little different than your uncle."

"Oh," Dylan said simply, not really having a clue what his father was saying.

"Is he telling you stories again?" Hitomi interrupted as she walked in.

"Mommy," Dylan smiled as her voice entered the room.

"It's time for you to go to sleep now," she said as she stroked his face gently.

As if in acknowledgement to her direction, Dylan turned on his side and pulled in his blanket.

"Goodnight sweetheart," Hitomi wished as she stepped away from the crib.

"Night Dylan," Van concluded as they both walked out the door of Dylan's room.

* * *

It was finally Thursday, and Folken had arrived. There had been no time specified for when he was coming so it was a complete surprise when he walked in the door at 11 o'clock in the morning.

Van had been sitting at the table with Dylan trying to get him to eat something, while Hitomi was in the shower.

"Hey little brother," Folken exclaimed as he dropped his bags in the doorway and extended his arms.

"Holy shit Folken, you could have given us a heads-up," Van said as he came to his brother accepting the hug.

After they pulled apart they stayed staring at each other, taking in the new appearance of the other.

Folken looked a lot older, unnaturally so, Van had guessed drugs and wondered if he appeared the same. "You look older Folken," Van mused as he continued to look at his brother.

Folken's smile never faltered as he took off his sun glasses and gave Van a better look, "you do too, but in a good way."

"I didn't mean--" Van started.

"Dude, I get it, it's cool," Folken laughed," now where's the babe and the baby?"

"Uh, baby right there and Tome's in the shower," Van told him as he moved so that Folken was in view of the baby.

"Oooh, that means I came at a good time then," Folken said walking into the room.

Van rolled his eyes and continued to watch his brother in action.

Folken gingerly approached the baby sitting at the table in his high chair. Dylan was watching Folken carefully with his mouth slightly, with dried bits of oatmeal caked onto his face.

"So this is the spawn of Van..." Folken mused quietly crouching down so he was at level with Dylan.

Dylan's big, green eyes followed Folken's every movement, even when he started playing tricks on him.

"Whoa, this boy's a quick one, don't get him on pot," Folken advised, " or anything else for that matter..."

"Who are you?" Dylan asked bluntly.

Folken and Van started laughing, "I'm your uncle Folken."

"Hi," Dylan said gingerly as he inserted a hand into his mouth.

"Hey," Folken laughed a little, "Van, this kid has you written all over him... aside from the brightness."

Van's expression flattened, "thanks."

Just then Hitomi emerged from the bathroom with a towel loosely wrapped around her, and water dripping from her hair and legs, "hey Van, have you seen my pump? My breasts are really sore, I want to see if I can get-- _ohmigod!_ Shit!"

Hitomi quickly pulled the towel around her tighter and ran back to her room. Van just stood there with wide eyes and a slight blush forming on his cheeks.

"That: was awesome," Folken concluded.

"Shut-up man, that's my wife," Van chided and cuffed Folken on the back of the head.

"I'm so glad I didn't say a time," Folken smiled, "I guess I can understand why you had a kid so early, I'd be banging that every chance I got."

"Enough Folken," Van concluded as he went to follow Hitomi, "keep an eye on him."

Folken didn't say anything more, he just continued to interact with Dylan.

--

"Tome...?" Van hesitated as he entered the room.

Hitomi had finished getting dressed and was drying her hair furiously with the towel. She gave a slight nodd to Van to acknowledge that he was there.

"Hitomi," Van said as he closed the door behind him.

Hitomi allowed her arms to drop with the towel as she simply stared at him in embarrassment.

Van let out a breath, "it's okay Hitomi--"

"Oh God! I can't believe that happened, it's not okay! That was the single most embarrassing moment in my life! Van, I was practically naked in front of your brother, not to _mention _what I said!" Hitomi rambled, "Oh God, I'm an idiot..."

By this time Van had started laughing a little and made his way to the bed where she had been sitting.

"Why are you laughing at me?" Hitomi whined slightly, not wanting to laugh with him.

Van only continued to laugh more when he saw her look away.

"Stop it! It's not funny!" Hitomi whined on the verge of laughing.

"Yes it is, everyone has embarassing moments, yours just happens to be a bit more awkward," Van explained.

Hitomi got up hoping it would distract herself from laughing, "not helping Van."

"What are you going to do?" Van asked.

"Crawl into a hole and die..." Hitomi mused.

"That's one option, I wouldn't recommend it though," Van suggested.

"That's easy for you to say, I have never seen you do something embarrassing, and I've known you for three years," Hitomi said.

"Hmm, well... I'm sure I've done some embarassing things when I've been high..." Van mused.

"That doesn't count! You were oblivious," Hitomi protested.

"Hitomi, just get your ass out there, stop being such a pussy," Van ordered gently.

Hitomi stared at him with wide eyes.

"Yeah, you heard me, it'll all blow over, you're going to have to come out sooner or later," Van told her as he opened the door.

Hitomi stared at him, and realized she was acting like a baby. No one her age would confine themselves to their bedroom just because they were embarrassed.

With great reluctance she walked out the door after Van anf followed him into the dining room where Folken and Dylan were.

"Hey Hitomi," Folken said with a slight undertone.

Hitomi gave an uncomfortable smile, "hey... Folken."

"You've got one ugly kid," he said standing up.

Hitomi's expression contorted all over the place not really knowing how she should feel or take the comment, "uh... thank you?"

"Nah, I mean he looks so much like Van," Folken explained.

"So that's bad," Hitomi stated more than asked.

Hitomi had a hard time wrapping her mind around Folken's sense of humour. Maybe it was the fact that she barely knew him and wasn't comfortable or used to him yet. Either way she felt quite awkward listening to him try and justify his joke.

"Folken...shut-up," Van told him while he was in the middle of his explanation.

"Right," Folken concluded.

Dylan was still sitting in his high chair observing the adults in their conversation. It wasn't until he caught Hitomi's eye that he began to wriggle around in attempts to get out.

"Mommy, mommy," he called.

Hitomi quickly noticed and made her way over to Dylan, taking him out of his seat. There was a thin layer of food dried to the side of his mouth and cheeks, but thanks to the bib he was wearing it hadn't gotten anywhere else.

Almost taking it as a gift, Hitomi went to the bathroom with Dylan to clean off his face.

Once she had left the room Folken felt a little easier.

"That was so awkward," he stated.

"You sound surprised," Van said dead-pan.

"It was a joke," Folken protested.

"I know, but she's only met you like once, she's not used to your sense of humour," Van explained, "plus she's a little on edge, for obvious reasons."

"She's pregnant again!" Folken exclaimed.

Van looked at his brother in extreme confusion, "where did you get that?"

"She's not?"

"Fuck, you're dumb," Van stated.

* * *

Hey, so here is an illustration of Dylan in the flowers! (Just take out the spaces)

http: / / vanoku. deviantart .com / art/ Do-You-Still-Eat-Flowers- 97333155

**Give me some reviews!**


	12. Pool Shark

* * *

REVIEW!

* * *

So Van was finally on tour. It was three days in and it already felt like months had gone by. The whole departure had been somewhat painful, and the thought of it still hadn't really left Van's mind.

Hitomi had been okay with it, or so it seemed, maybe she just hid it well. Dylan, on the other hand, had been a mess; he hadn't wanted to let Van go at all because he knew he was going away for a while. Hitomi had tried to calm him down to not make a big issue of things but the more she tried to calm him down the more he would cry. The fact that Dylan was crying had made her more upset, she was more used to Van going but she still didn't want him gone that long.

Van hadn't been able to rid himself of the sound of Dylan crying, and Hitomi's face as she waved goodbye to him from outside the bus. It was a surreal experience, leaving for a tour or anything had never been that sad. It probably had a lot to do with the fact that he was now a father and husband, as opposed to just having a girlfriend.

Folken had adjusted well, since he had never stayed anywhere or with anyone long enough to get attached he was doing just fine. Allen and Gaddes were thrilled to be on the road again, they had been thrilled to go on tour since the moment they left the last one. That was the thing, it wasn't as if Van didn't love his music, it was one of the most important things in his life. Music was something that made Van unconditionally happy, but so did Hitomi and Dylan, and he didn't want to have one without the other.

Since they had already played their first gig the previous night, they were able to go out and party in the town. Van didn't like the fact that he was doing something that would normally make him happy, and he was disgruntled. Letting out a sigh he sat up properly on his bed and took out a joint from his pocket.

He had rolled a few a couple hours earlier so they were still pretty fresh. He hadn't bothered making a filter, he didn't see a point in it. He was already smoking something a filter wasn't going to protect him. Quickly he lit it and walked out of the hotel room to find Allen and Gaddes, if Folken was with them it would be a bonus.

"Hey man," Gaddes greeted from just outside in the parking lot.

Van muffled a 'hey' with the joint between his lips.

"Smoking up early little brother," Folken noticed.

Van shrugged, and shoved his hand in his pocket while he took a toke from the joint.

"It's three o'clock, it's not that early," Van stated, offering the joint, which Folken gladly accepted.

"You're a bad father Vanny," Folken laughed before taking a toke.

"It's not like he's seen me smoke up... he's only smelled it," Van protested lamely.

Folken looked at him, "and that's better?"

Van shrugged.

"Have you talked to them since you left?" Gaddes asked taking the joint from Folken.

Van nodded, "yeah, this morning."

"How are they?"

"Good, they sounded a lot better than they did when I was leaving... Dylan was still a little upset when he heard me on the phone... he kept asking when I was coming home." Van said.

"Well at least you know they love you," Folken said, taking the joint back.

"Hey, hey hey it's my joint I want a toke," Van said taking the joint.

"hey...Hey guys... if Allen were here... he'd be making us pet his hair!" Gaddes giggled.

"Oh shit, he's right, hide from Allen!" Van exclaimed, finally feeling the effects of the THC, and so thankful for it.

"That's silly," Folken assured.

Van and Gaddes made faces at Folken mocking his previous statement.

"Come on girls, you want to get high, I've got some real drugs for you," Folken said, as he brought them into the to the hotel room locking the door behind him.

Van and Gaddes had started play fighting, which felt really cool but looked like they were preteen girls trying to play with each other's hair. All the while they were unable to stop laughing.

"Guys!" Folken ordered, "stop being Douches."

Van and Gaddes only continued to laugh.

"Fuck, that is some good pot, I've never gotten high off of one joint before," Van laughed.

"Fuck! I'm a light weight man!" Gaddes cried as he ran around in a little circle.

Van only continued to laugh as his friend provided him with all the entertainment he needed. Meanwhile Folken had taken a seat at the small round coffee table and pulled out a little plastic back with a white powder in it. He had been silent the entire time until he was finished.

"Van, come here," Folken ordered.

Van obliged his brother and sat down in the seat on the other side of the table, and looked down at the four white lines in front of him. Several emotions flickered across his face as he stared at the lines of powder and back up at his brother's face. Gaddes had already come to the floor and fallen asleep, so all that really remained were the two brothers.

"You know what it is right?" Folken asked after a moment of silence.

Van nodded.

"Do a line," Folken said slyly.

Van was hesitant, just because he was high didn't mean that he was unable to remember the past events with Heroin.

"I've already done Heroin... why should I do cocaine?" Van said simply.

"It's so much better," Folken told him, "this is good stuff, you know when I said I was in Israel, well I left after a week and went to Columbia."

"So this is the real deal..." Van mused.

Folken nodded, "do it, I know you want to."

It was true, even if Van had been sober he would have wanted to try it. Cocaine was what the rich people did, it was one of those drugs that was so expensive to get good stuff that it would take more than a month's pay cheque to get a good amount.

"Do you have a straw?" Van asked.

Folken smiled and offered him the thin hollow tube.

--

Van ended up doing three of the four lines, and had completely lost all consciousness. It was as if his memory had been wiped clean and all he could do was follow his impulses. His body hadn't been used to the sensation of cocaine and all he could think of was the incredible rush that it was giving him.

It had only taken him three times to get addicted. He had remained completely unknown, aside from his brother. It had come to the point where he was doing cocaine so regularly that he would have to snort a line between songs when he was performing.

Cocaine was doing wonders for him, or at least he thought. It hadn't registered at all that he hadn't spoken to Hitomi in over two weeks, when he had been into it almost two months. This new _experimentation_with cocaine had brought him great artistic genius and process, but his health had begun to dwindle away. He was getting weak and frail, and everyone was becoming aware of it, but Folken or Van was always quick enough to cover it with something.

The worst part of Van's new liking to cocaine was that he found himself wanting to get back into Heroin.

* * *

They had reached Salt Lake City, by the third month and it had been going into the fourth week that Van hadn't spoken to Hitomi. It was one of their free nights, and all four of the guys had decided to go to a bar, since Van knew he probably wasn't going to get the chance to snort anything while he was there, he decided to snort four lines before so that he would be decent for a least a while.

The bar was noisey and smokey, it smelled and the atmosphere was dull, but it none of them were in the mood to find anywhere else. Van had been quiet most of the night, while he simply soaked in everything around him, the only time he got up was to go to the bathroom, which had proved to be one of his best ideas.

When he got to the restroom two men walked in, and immediately Van knew they were talking about Heroin from the language they were using. After he was finished he walked to the sink and began washing his hands, and the two men continued to watch him.

Once he was finished he turned to them, and calmly asked, "looking for a buyer?"

Van was finally hooked up with the drug he wanted, that familiar poison that he loved from so long ago. He ended up shooting up twice that night, causing himself extreme euphoria and extreme danger. He ended up leaving before everyone else due to the extreme amount of pain he was in. He had ended up having a slight seizure and an exploding headache, and his stomach felt as though it were being ripped apart in several directions by fish hooks.

He had put on a good show for the rest of the guys, making them think he was leaving out of his own free will, but as soon as he got out the door it was as though he would do anything to put an end to his pain. His head was spinning, he felt like there was a jack hammer perforating his skull. He was ready to die right there in the street, but something wouldn't let him.

When he got to the hotel he took as many pain killers as he could and passed out as soon as his body hit the mattress.

It was a miracle he even woke up.

--

White.

With a little yellow.

Sun. The same wonderful sun that everyone wakes up to. Everything was silent, absolutely nothing was was heard. Time was slowing down if not completely stopped and it seemed that everything else had taken to stillness. Everything had been going so quickly last night and for the months prior that it was a relief to finally have everything stop.

It was cool and temperate, there wasn't much he could make out other than what was directly touching him or in a very close radius. His vision was not good, and his senses seemed numb. He wasn't able to smell anything, or taste anything and his body was so sore that the effort that went into moving was not worth it. Instead he just remained on the bed, in the exact same position that he had entered it; clothes and shoes still on.

He felt moulded to the bed, that in some odd way he was fusing with it. The more he thought about things the more his head hurt, so that was quickly forgotten. Although he wasn't in the best shape he hadn't felt more relaxed in a long time, it was true that the drugs made him feel good, but it was as if he was always trying to keep up with them and there was never any down time. The bed was soft and cozy, he had no desire to get up. He was able to register that his right arm was extended in front of him, and just to test his motor skills he began to play with the folds of the white comforter. It reminded him of little white snow hills... snow- cocaine. It was the thought of snow that made him think of Dylan.

Suddenly his eyes snapped open, it had been so long since he had talked to Hitomi and he was fairly certain that it was almost January, which meant he had missed Dylan's birthday.

"Shit!" he seethed.

With a great effort he rolled over in his bed and extended a hand to the phone and pulled it over so it was on the bed beside him. Miraculously he was able to dial the numbers and soon the phone was ringing.

Hitomi finally answered the phone after four rings. It was clear in her tone of voice that she had rushed to get the phone, "hello?"

"Hey," Van said hoarsely. The sound of his voice surprised him along with her.

"Van? Is that you?" she asked.

He tried to clear his throat but still the hoarseness didn't go away, "yeah."

"Are you alright?" she asked.

Van nodded, "yeah, I'm fine, it was just a crazy concert last night."

"Do you have any idea of what time it is?" she asked a little annoyed.

"No," he said simply.

"Van it's seven o'clock in the morning," she told him.

"Sorry, I just figured I should call you," he said.

"You figured?" she said slightly annoyed.

"I'm sorry I haven't called, I don't have any excuses I-- I'm just sorry," he confessed.

Hitomi wanted to forgive him but at the same time she had gone so many nights without sleep because she had been worrying about him, and didn't feel like it was okay to give him her forgiveness that easily. So instead she stayed silent.

"How is he?" Van asked after a moment.

"He misses you terribly," Hitomi said, "he's sleeping right now... he'd love to talk to you though."

Van bit his lip, he knew she needed to know but he couldn't tell her.

"I do miss you too, you know," she added, "I just don't like it when I'm not important enough for you to remember to call me."

"Hitomi..." he breathed, " how was his birthday?"

"See, that's the thing I'm mad about mainly, I mean I can live without you calling me, you have a life, but when your son is having his first birthday without his father, I'd expect at least a call... and that was a week ago..." she said bitterly.

She had every right to be angry, "I'm sorry--"

"Don't tell me that, tell him... maybe you should call back later," Hitomi suggested.

"I will," he said.

"Bye Van, take care of yourself," she said.

"Hitomi, I love you," he said.

"Bye," she said and hung up. As soon as her receiver clicked she felt immediate regret, she should have said it back to him, and now all she could do was wait.

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	13. Foolish Fool

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Hours had passed, and Van hadn't moved from the bed. It appeared that he hadn't even moved, he remained in the same position from when he first called her. The phone was still settled at his side and his hand was rested firmly on the headset. He had slept, it was almost the only thing he could do, since he wasn't fit to move from his bed. It had been a miracle that he didn't need to play that night, and a blessing that no one had come to find him yet. He wasn't looking forward to that explanation at all.

The shadows had shifted, and they now lay in patches over his body, taking the place of the glorious sun that had once lay there. A midday light stretched through the room, providing the only lighting to the room. There was a cold aura about the room, bringing an uneasiness to the atmosphere. It was almost a reflection of what Van was currently experiencing. His drug highs had worn off, and now he had to deal with their downfall. The highs never seemed to be worth the lows when it all came down to it, and all he wanted to do was relieve himself of the darkness. Sleep was the only sufficient answer, and as soon as he succumbed to it, there was a minimal amount of relief. His sleep was plagued with odd nightmares that seemed too weird to be considered nightmares when he woke from them.

His mouth was dry and his head hurt. The pains in his stomach had been awful, and yet the thought of food was revolting. It was as if every possible solution would only be another problem which only left him right back where he started. The worst part of his situation was that he was the only one he could blame, as much as he wanted to point the finger at someone else, it was his own stupidity that landed him there.

--

As the shadows stretched into long decrepit creatures across the ceiling, he finally felt that it was time enough to call home.

With great effort he punched in the numbers and pulled the phone to his ear. Luckily he was lying down, so that there was no effort put into his position. He was thankful that she didn't have to see him like this.

"Hello?" she said.

"Hey," his voice was tired but it wasn't as hoarse as it was earlier.

"Van, look I'm sorry I just hung up earlier, I shouldn't have been such a bitch," she said quickly, like she had been dying to tell him.

"Hitomi, calm down," he said slowly.

"I really do love you," she continued.

"I know," he acknowledged warmly.

"Dylan's just about to go in for a nap, do you want to talk to him?" she asked.

Van smiled, "yeah."

There was a sudden silence, which was followed by muffled chatter, as she put down the phone to get Dylan.

"Daddy!" Dylan exclaimed into the phone.

Van winced at the volume of his son's voice and moved the phone away from his ear slightly, "hi Dylan."

" Where have you been?" Dylan asked.

"With the band..." Van choked, he hated lying to Dylan let alone Hitomi.

"Do you not like us anymore?" Dylan asked.

Van felt like a woman, he was getting choked up by talking to his son, "Of course I like you Dylan, why would you think that?"

"You don't talk to us anymore," Dylan answered.

"I'm sorry Dylan," Van apologized.

"It's okay Daddy, we still like you," Dylan told him, "don't be sad."

"Thanks Dylan," Van smiled.

"Will I see you soon?"

"Yeah, really soon," Van said.

"Okay, bye bye Daddy," Dylan said giving the phone back to his mother.

"Hitomi?" Van said.

"Hey," she answered, "I'm here."

"I'm sorry... again," he told her.

"Van, it's okay, the tour's almost over, we can hold off for a little bit longer," Hitomi told him warmly.

"I didn't mean for it to be this hard on you," he said.

"I know," she confirmed.

"Hitomi, everything is going to be okay...right?" he hesitated.

Hitomi was a little concerned about his attitude, "yeah Van, everything will be fine. Are you alright?"

He nodded, "yeah."

"Okay..." she said hesitantly, "well, I'll talk to you soon then."

"Yeah... I'll talk to you soon," he said wearily.

"Van, I love you," she added.

"I love you too Tome, bye," and he ended the conversation.

He felt like an incredible prick, he had omitted the reason why he was feeling like shit, so he was still lying, which was something he hated doing. Now there was nothing he could do, the pain was there and he couldn't do anything about it. His head throbbed, his stomach ached and his throat was immensely swollen and sore. While his body was begging him to take something to numb the pain, his mind was resisting and luckily it won out.

With extreme reluctance, Van struggled his way out of bed. He felt gross; his clothes smelled of stale cigarettes and booze, and they had conformed to the shape of his body since he had been in the same position for so long. All his joints were stiff and sore, and he could barely walk, but miraculously he made it to the bathroom.

Once in the small, white tiled room he made his way over to the bathtub to turn on the shower. As the water reached a good temperature he switched the flow of the water from the faucet to the shower head. The water ran for a few minutes as he undressed; as he pulled off his shirt he was able to see the marks on his body that had been acquired through the process of his drug trips.

There were several new tattoos with trivial relevance, but he smiled as he eyed his favourite tattoo, which was located along his collar bone. Only three weeks after Dylan's birth, Van had gotten his name tattooed on himself. Even though it was only in black and in a rather traditional font, it was his most prized piece.

He was a sickly colour, his normally sun kissed golden body, was now a pasty grey. The marks on the inside of his elbow were very enhanced, and bruises were beginning to blossom around the perforated skin. He wasn't doing well, and there was no way he could disguise that. There were a lot of people he had let down in his life, and for some reason he didn't care about them, two people mattered more than the majority.

He was finally coming to terms with his addiction; or rather he was acknowledging he had one. No more experimentation, there was no excuse for his behaviour now, he was a full on addict. His limits and logic had gone out the window, any opportunity that he was presented with to do drugs, he took. Van Slanzar de Fanel was indeed a hardcore drug addict.

--

The water had gone cold shortly, or at least it seemed that way. His sudden realization had put a heavy downer on him, and all he wanted to do was die. He didn't feel good enough to be around Hitomi or his son, even though that was all he wanted. For once his music had taken a backseat, he wanted nothing more than his family. The loneliness that came with the drugs just wasn't worth it, and he could understand that, but he couldn't understand why he knew he would still want it.

He wanted to shake the habit, he wanted it to be gone, but there wasn't a good chance of that happening while he was on tour. He knew what he needed to do, but he knew his body wouldn't allow him to stay clean for very long. He would find drugs again, like he always did.

* * *

Van had been sober for a full week. He had isolated himself from the group because he knew that something would get out of hand and probably end up in the worst situation for him. When he had last spoken to Hitomi, which had been the night before, she had informed him that Dylan was already playing nursery songs on Van's old instruments.

"I think you've created a prodigy Van," she had told him.

Van had almost cried at the thought of his son playing actual music, at such an early age, and he hadn't even been there to see it. Although, once he had caught himself on the verge of tears he mentally kicked himself for being so mushy. Through it all though, the truth of the matter was that he just wanted to go home.

Van was currently sitting in his vacant room staring at the loaded syringe. He played with it in his hands debating over what to do with the last hit of smack. He had been sitting there for an hour just mulling over possible ways to get rid of the drug. As much as he knew he should have just flushed it, he was in a period of with-drawl so it was much harder than it should have been.

There wasn't much in it, what harm could it do? After this, there would be no more.

He kept trying to talk himself into not throwing it away, and eventually he did. He had finally convinced himself to take the last hit of Heroin. Rolling his sleeve up he revealed the marred skin and tattoos and positioned the needle to go into his arm.

He winced slightly as the metal slid into his flesh and the poison began to fuse with his blood.

* * *

Folken

had found him six hours later; feet on the floor, lying back on the bed with the needle still in his arm.

had found him six hours later; feet on the floor, lying back on the bed with the needle still in his arm.

had found him six hours later; feet on the floor, lying back on the bed with the needle still in his arm.


	14. Big Salty Tears

Hey, so hope you weren't too shaken by the last chapter... REVIEW!

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She hadn't quite remembered how long ago she had recieved the phone call but none the less, she felt as though time would never move forward. It was as if she was stuck in this one terrible day forever, suspended in the very worst of her misery.

Hitomi had been lying on her bed for hours, she hadn't found any motivation to get her up; it would take a miracle to move her from that spot. She felt as though her stomach had shrivelled up and her heart was literally breaking. All her thoughts had slipped away from her and her mind remained vacant. All she could do was cry; there was nothing else, no other refuge she could take to, nothing would change what happened. The anger had left long ago, leaving nothing but a void. She had been furious initially, but when the news had really settled her anger had escaped her and dispair had replaced it. Anger would have been better, that way she would have been able to get up and move, but this sadness was stiffening.

It was as if a weight had been dropped on her that was nailing her to the bed. This horrible anguish had her not wanting to move from the spot that she fell. Her life had crumbled beneath her and she was stuck beneath it, and was terrified she wouldn't ever be able to get out from underneath. She had stupidly fallen in love with a drug addict, and stupidly tried to stop him, and ultimately he had chosen his poison over her. That was the basic idea of it, but she wasn't able to let herself believe that he loved drugs more than he loved her. She also didn't want to remember him bitterly just to console herself, there was far more to love about him than to hate.

When Dylan had started crying she wasn't able to look at him, she wasn't even able to leave her room, for fear of seeing his little face. She had struggled to get to the phone to call her mother, to come and take him, there had been no explanation but her mother came over anyway. Once Dylan was gone, she was in the house alone and there was nothing she could do or say to change things.

The silence had been deafening. A house that had always been filled with some kind of music, had fallen silent. Not even the creak of a floorboard was heard, that horrible silence that allowed her to know full well that the music was gone.

Hitomi was now a widow and single mother. The thought plagued her, she hadn't wanted this day to come for a long time, and the fact that it had come so early had her completely thrown off. Everything had gone wrong; she was left in the middle of an empty street not knowing which way led home. She couldn't remember any time when she had cried as long or as hard, her life had been torn apart by the seams and she was only twenty four years old. The damage was done, her life would never be the same. She had just lost the very reason for her existence.

She let out a painful laugh as she thought about her neighbour not having a thing to say to her anymore. It was impossible to cope under these circumstances, she couldn't see anything straight, her rational thought had left her mind and she was stuck in a terrible purgatory. This was closer to Hell.

Suddenly the phone rang. Hitomi hadn't wanted to pick it up but something compelled her to. With a tremendous effort she picked herself up and answered the phone, "what?"

Her voice was quiet and raspy from crying so much, and she didn't really care.

"Hitomi?" he asked, it was Folken.

Hitomi had no idea that he had been the one to introduce Van to cocaine, so she found a small kind of solace in hearing his voice.

"Folken," she whispered, new tears welling up.

"I'm sorry," he said with incredible sincerity.

"Thank you," she sniffed, "but I'm sure you're having a hard time right now too."

He was silent for a second, "yeah."

"Folken?" she asked.

"Yeah?"

"What am I going to do... What the hell do I do now?" she had fallen into hysterics.

"I don't know," he said, which was the best answer he could give her. She preferred his blunt honesty rather than trying to make up a flowery lie.

Hitomi was silent, she didn't know what to say now.

"Hitomi, I gave it to him," Folken confessed.

Hitomi felt her stomach hollow, she knew exactly what he was talking about, but wanted to prove herself wrong, " what?"

"The cocaine..." he said.

"You gave him _Cocaine_!" she practically screamed, "what the fuck! Is the entire Fanel family fucking stupid!"

Folken remained quiet, she had every right to get this angry.

"You _knew_ he would take it, you knew he was an addict, you _knew_! You fucking _knew_ and you _still_gave it to him!" Hitomi had started crying again, as her sentence broke off.

"Hitomi--" Folken tried.

"If you ever--_ever_ come here again I will have you arrested. Don't you ever come near your nephew either," she seethed as she slammed the phone down.

At this point all she wanted to do was find something to kill herself with, after she killed Folken. She wanted to get as far away from this whole situation as she possibly could. She wanted to reverse getting pregnant, she wanted to reverse getting engaged, she wanted to reverse ever meeting Van and his family. Although, the more she thought about him and his family, the more depressed she got because she knew she adored them endlessly.

* * *

Four years ago she had met Van when he was playing a show right there in Long Beach. He had been high of course, but he had her as soon as he looked at her.

She had been brought there against her will, by her friend Millerna who had been absolutely gone on Allen. Since then she had met Dryden though, and somehow lost interest in the dreamy blonde. At the time however, Millerna had wanted to see Allen any time that she could, thus she brought Hitomi along with her.

When Hitomi had seen Van, she knew he was high because she had known it well from her parents smoking. That was her first thought, but as soon as she saw his face she thought she had been high herself. He had been almost too beautiful to look at, as the thought registered she kicked herself. The last thing she wanted was too fall for a guy who smoked, she never would have guessed she would be pregnant with his child only three years later.

The first thing he had said to her had been burned into her memory, and would now be there forever. He had been about to take a toke from a communal joint but he dropped it before it reached his lips. Hitomi had been sitting a bit behind him so she wasn't quite in his periphery. So as he went to pick up the joint, he saw her.

"Those shrooms I had earlier are really kicking in now guys! This is the best hallucination I've ever had... man I wish you were real..."

A week into their relationship she had given in and up to him and willingly slept with him. When Hitomi had told Millerna she had almost wet herself, since Hitomi was probably the last person she would have thought to sleep with Van. Their relationship from thre had been rocky; there were several fights that had been quite difficult, but in the end they were never able to stay angry at each other. They had been a tumultuous couple at the beginning, but as they learned more about each other they became soulmates. No matter how mad they were, they never stayed that way.

There had been a pregnancy scare when they were first starting, and both of them had been terrified of what the other's parents would say. Van had been killing himself for even touching her, while she was killing herself for not thinking of protection. In the end they had both reacted too extremely, their parents had both been perfectly okay with it, even when it turned out she wasn't. Van had been a little disappointed when they got the news of the false alarm, but ultimately things had worked out for the best.

Hitomi hadn't even been old enough to drink legally, and she knew that her life was set with a pot smoker. Now she wasn't even old enough to be a mother and there she was: a single mother.

She had been so taken by him, and so immediately. The fact that he was three years older than her had no relevance, they had begun their relationship as soon as their eyes met.

The memories brought her fond memories and painful memories, but the worst part was that the happy ones made her feel even worse.

It had been almost an hour later when she called her mother to bring Dylan home.

When Hitomi's mother arrived at the door, Dylan was holding her hand trying to open the mail slot. Hitomi had prepared herself to answer the door and take Dylan on, but the closer she got to the door the more her confidence slipped.

When she opened the door she was about to say something to her mother but Dylan took the words from her mouth, "mommy!"

Hitomi looked down at her son and practically collapsed on him. In one great movement, she dropped to her knees and scooped the little boy up in her arms and cradled in her arms as if she would never see him again. Unfortunately Dylan knew something was wrong.

"Mommy? What's wrong?" he asked as he continued to hug her.

Hitomi only held him tighter, not wanting him to know what had gone wrong.

"Mommy?" his little voice shook as now he was on the verge of tears.

"It's okay sweetheart, everything is fine," she tried to tell him.

"Where's Daddy?" he asked.

Hitomi slackened her grip on him as he pulled out to look at her. However as soon as her eyes met with his, she started bawling again.

"Mommy?" he was now crying a little.

"Hitomi?" her mother added.

Hitomi dried her eyes with her sleeve and continued to hold onto Dylan as she prepared herself to answer the dreaded question.

"Dylan, Daddy's not coming home... he's gone," Hitomi had no idea how to phrase it without making it too harsh, and the last thing she wanted to do was say he was sleeping or feed her child bullshit.

"What do you mean mommy?"

"You can't see him again..."

"Does he not like us?" Dylan was now crying full out.

"Of course he likes us, he adores you with all his heart, he's just -- he can't come home..." Hitomi prayed he wouldn't ask more questions for both their sakes.

Dylan hadn't said anything else, he just scooted into his mother and held on tight.

Hitomi's mother hadn't said anything, she knew what had happened and there was nothing she could do. Hitomi looked up at her mother as she began to stand with Dylan in her arms.

"Do you need me to stay?" she asked her daughter.

Hitomi nodded as her face melted into a deep frown and new tears began to pour. Hitomi's mother ushered her into the house and brought her to the couch, and say down with her. The woman said nothing, she was simply there for her daughter when she needed her most.

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	15. Doin' Time

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Hello readers, thanks for the reviews even if they are scarce.

As to the story, keep reading, just trust me okay?

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Hitomi hadn't gotten to see Van's body. Apparently Folken and the rest of the band had identified him and Folken had made the decisions regarding what would happen with Van's body. Hitomi had been furious once she heard the news from Dryden, Folken was purposely punishing her causing her to resent him even more.

Hitomi had not bounced back. The news of Van's death had caused a serious set-back with her and brought her to a place that she couldn't escape from. The whole experience had been so traumatic that she couldn't re-focus and she was left in a constant state of sadness.

Even though everyone she knew was offering her all the help and support she could require, she felt too uncomfortable to ask for it. Hitomi had come to terms with everything that had happened and openly accepted the fact that she would never be that happy with another man again.

As months passed she had grown into an everyday routine, that was merely there to keep her alive until the next day. However, even though she had lost almost all her motivation to do anything, Dylan had no idea. She made it her first priority to make him as happy as he could be without a father. Often times, Allen or Gaddes even Dryden would visit to spend time with Dylan and Hitomi, they had acted like fathers when there wasn't one.

The band had died with Van, and there had been serious debate over whether the CD should be released or not. Ultimately they had chosen to release the CD, since they knew it was what Van would have wanted.

It was set to be released only three months after his death.

Dylan had often asked Hitomi where Van was, and would ask why he wasn't coming home. Hitomi knew he was little and didn't understand so she made sure to have enough patience for her son. He was far too good and kind hearted of a child that had been another trait she knew came from Van, and somehow she knew that Dylan wouldn't be bitter towards his father.

Dylan had been her reason for living now, he brought her so much consolation in just having him around. Ever since Van's death she hadn't let a moment go where she didn't know he was safe. The last thing she needed was to lose Dylan too.

As Dylan grew, the music had never left him. He had learned simple things from Allen and Gaddes but neither gave him the education Van gave him. Dylan had inherited his musical capabilities from Van who had been far more advanced than either of them, so Dylan wasn't getting the stimulation he needed. Eventually he had begun learning it on his own, and it was only when he was old enough to understand musical theory did his grandmother teach it to him.

* * *

**Fifteen Years Later**

Dylan was now sixteen and had grown into a well rounded individual, although he was painfully shy. He had become the spitting image of his father with minor adjustments, which Hitomi had noticed instantly. Dylan was now one of the best musicians that there could have been, he had been ridiculously dedicated to the art.

He was aware of the fact that his father had been a musician, and right after his death, when the last CD was released the band had made huge success. Although he had never bought any of the records to hear his father's music, he knew that they were good. Hitomi had all the original recordings and had given them to Dylan, but hadn't done any encouraging for him to listen to it. He had wanted to but something was stopping him from taking out the vinyl record and he didn't want to go against it.

Dylan was a very easy person to like and get along with however he didn't have an abundance of friends. It wasn't that he was rude or came across badly, he was just very shy. Although one girl in particular, who he had known since she was born, was always after him. Lise, was Allen's daughter, she was born three years after Dylan and had been glued to him ever since. Dylan had made it clear that he didn't like her but had never been mean to her, thus she didn't back down.

It was late in September and everyone had gotten into the school year again. Summer had been lost long ago and now all that everyone could do was press ahead hoping that the year wouldn't suck. For Dylan it was his last year in high school, and since his birthday was so late he had been one of the youngest in his senior class.

"Dilly, aren't you excited for this school year?" Lise asked him at his locker.

"Sure Lise," Dylan said as he crammed his shit into his locker.

She was far more excited than he was, "so what are you going to wear for your prom?"

His face contorted into an expression of utter confusion, "why the hell are you thinking about that? It's a year away!" he paused, " and you're not even going to it!"

Lise never faltered, "still, I want to know what you're wearing, I already have mine picked out."

Dylan rolled his eyes and started heading away from her, but she was hot on his heals.

"Are you excited? It's your last year! Think of all the parties and crazy things you can do!" Lise ranted.

Dylan had become slightly uncomfortable, he wasn't really much of a party person but the fact that she said it was his last year made him think of his commencement. His father would never see him graduate.

"Bye Lise," Dylan said quickly as he ducked into his classroom, thankful that he didn't have to stick around with her any longer.

His classroom was filled with people, sitting on desks or standing having several conversations. Dylan had walked through each one easily, but was always noticed. As he slid into his seat he overheard a few people sitting around him talking about music.

At the mention of music he perked up a little, although he stayed silent and relaxed in his seat.

"Their band was so good," one of the girls had gushed.

"Dude I know," the boy beside her responded.

"It's too bad he kicked the bucket before it was released..." another girl said.

"Yeah I know... what happened to the rest of the band?" the boy asked.

The two girls shrugged.

"Hey! I know who would know," one of the girls said.

Suddenly there was a stop to their conversation as the three of them made their way over to Dylan. Dylan had stopped paying attention to their conversation so when they came and sat around him he was quite thrown off.

"Hey Dylan," one of the girls said.

He didn't really like her tone, he felt like he was being belittled when she spoke to him.

"Hi," he said a little suspiciously.

"I'm Erda, this is Blake and Reddia," she introduced them.

He was fully aware of their names but he acted politely.

"Anyway--" she started.

"Dude, your dad was Van Fanel right?" Blake interjected.

Dylan wasn't sure how to react, "uhh... yeah."

"Dude that's fucking awesome," Blake exclaimed.

Dylan was silent he wanted to know where this was going, and didn't want to exploit his father.

"He was good," Reddia added.

"Fuck! He was so good," Blake said.

"He was soo hot," Reddia said.

Dylan's eye twitched, "uh, thanks?"

"You are welcome," she announced.

"What happened to the band?" Erda asked.

Dylan was uncomfortable, " it ended."

"How did your dad die?" Blake asked.

Dylan knew exactly how, and figured they did too considering he had heard so many people talk about Van's drug overdose.

"How do you think?" Dylan asked a little accusingly, which was very out of character.

Luckily none of them were wiser, they took it as sarcasm.

"Big ass O.D." Blake said bluntly.

"Thank you for phrasing it so gently," Dylan said with real sarcasm.

These people pissed him off, he hated when people saw his dad simply as a drug addict who knew how to play music. Ignorance was one thing that annoyed him more than anything, especially when people refused to be corrected. Luckily the teacher walked in, cutting them off before they could make themselves look any worse.

"I trust you all had somewhat decent weekends," the man stated.

There was a slight laugh from everyone as he set his things down on the desk at the front of the class.

"Okay, so settle down. So it's your last year guys, and it's the beginning of the year unfortunately," he paused as a few people laughed, "anyway, so the whole concept of your last year is make it memorable and do things while you still have time, right?"

There was a general consensus that he was on the right page.

"Good, awesome, great. So on that note, I decided I'd give you all a chance to do that _before it's too late,_" he mocked, "but I'm not going to make it intimate, we'll work our way there."

Getting up from his desk, the man took a box from a drawer and began weaving up and down the aisles of desks allowing each student to take a piece of paper from from the box. When he was finished he went back to the head of the class and continued to speak.

"Now all of you have one question that is fairly generic, and all of you will share that answer with the entire class. As the year progresses we'll get to smaller groups and more personal matters, it should be an interesting project," he explained, "now, we'll start alphabetically with Andra Arksaw."

A red-headed girl walked from her seat to the front of the class as the teacher moved to the back of the room.

"Just before we start; everything we say is confidential, nothing leaves this room okay. I don't care how simple it is, it's not yours to share. Whenever you're ready," the man said.

The girl adjusted her clothing and cleared her throat before beginning, "uh, so my question was 'what's your middle name?' it's Syriah."

The teacher nodded, and called the next name, "Wendla Bracey..."

The girl stood up quickly at the mention of her name and walked confidently to the front, "my question was 'Do you have any siblings?", yeah I have three brothers."

The names went quickly until they came to Dylan.

"Dylan Fanel," the teacher called.

Dylan was a little hesitant to get up, one because of his shyness and another because of his question. It was a generic question to anyone else, but for him it was very revealing. Since he didn't want to keep everyone waiting, he eventually moved from his seat and trudged to the front of the room. Dylan quickly glanced around the room at all the people staring at him. He wasn't particularly thrilled to answer the question, but he did anyway.

"Uh... so my question was 'What are your parents' names and what do they do?'," he read, the class was silent except for a few odd whispers, " well, my mom's name is Hitomi and she's a photographer, uh my dad..."

"It's fine, no one will laugh at his occupation," the teacher assured, he had gotten from Dylan's pause that he was ashamed of his father's career, which Dylan understood completely, he had no expectation for the man to know.

Dylan smiled a bit and nodded, then gently corrected his teacher, " my dad died when I was a baby, he was a musician."

Dylan could tell the man was kicking himself for being so rude as he closed his eyes in embarassment.

Dylan shook his head, "no man, it's fine it's not like I publicise it."

"How did he die?" one girl asked.

Dylan tensed for a second, once again he knew she had no idea what she was asking therefore he wasn't angry but he did feel like he was getting the third degree, "he died of a drug overdose."

"Holy shit! _Fanel_, I just got that! You're _Van_ _Fanel's_ son... dude, we've gotta be pals, why haven't I known that, and I've known you since freshman year!" one of the guys said.

Dylan was beginning to feel really uncomfortable, he had avoided this for years and now he was practically broadcasting it.

"Whoa, you totally look like him," a girl said.

"Okay enough!" the teacher cut in, saving Dylan, "next person."

Dylan made his way to his seat, with a slight resentment for that particular class at that moment. Once three other people had gone, the room was buzzed by the office intercom.

The teacher picked up the receiver so the whole class wouldn't hear the conversation. The conversation consisted of a few acknowledging grunts and a goodbye.

"Fanel," he called.

Dylan looked up, "yeah?"

"You're wanted at the office," the teacher said.

Dylan's expression bounced around as he got up without causing a disturbance to the class. As he was leaving the room a few girls made some comments about his appearance then he was gone.

--

It was a weird experience, he had never been called to the office before so he wasn't sure how to prepare himself for it. Within a few minutes he had arrived and almost all the women looked at him, he was even more confused when he saw Lise sitting in a chair waiting.

"Lise?" he asked.

"You were called too?" she asked.

"Yeah, what's going on?" he asked.

"I don't know, my mom is coming to pick us both up, hopefully she'll know what's going on," Lise explained.

Dylan was extremely confused he had no idea what was going on, but knew it must be quite big if Lise was involved. Within a few minutes Lise's mother was there to pick them both up. Quickly they both ran to the car and hopped in hoping to find out what was going on.

"Hey Dylan, how are you, I haven't seen you in a while," she said kindly.

"I'll be better once I know what's going on Eries," he answered back honestly. He hated being in the dark about things, especially when he had a bad feeling about it.

Eries' expression fell into one of concern, "I know honey, but to be honest I don't even know really. Allen just told me to come to the school and get you two, that it was important," Eries told him.

"Is my mom okay?" Dylan asked.

"As far as I know," Eries answered.

Dylan was more relieved now, he wasn't sure how he would have reacted if his mother was in some sort of trouble. It wasn't to say that he was a _mama's boy_ but she was his only parent and he wasn't exactly thrilled to be an orphan.

Eries had driven them to Dylan's house where a few cars were parked. As Dylan took in his surroundings it became harder to come up with a possible explanation for what was going on. Once the car came to a stop Dylan slowly opened the door and got out of the vehicle. Millerna had come outside just as everyone was getting out, and came running to her sister.

"Thank goodness you're all home," she said, ushering them inside.

"Millerna, what's going on?" Eries asked as the four of them made their way into the house.

Dylan walked through them to his mother who was standing over by the phone, her face very pale and full of confusion. She only looked up when he called her attention.

"Mom," Dylan said, making her snap out of her thoughts.

"Hmm?" was the only thing that she could say.

"What's going on, why am I home?" he asked, "not that I'm complaining."

Hitomi just looked at him with her lip fidgeting as she contemplated how she would tell him.

"Dylan," Allen said, taking the heat off Hitomi.

Dylan turned to look at Allen, he hated being oblivious to things and right now he was getting annoyed from it, "what the hell is going on?"

Van's streak was showing very clearly in him right now, and Hitomi was almost blown away by their likeness.

"Dylan calm down," Dryden told him.

"No, dammit I'm sick of being calm, can someone tell me what the fuck is up!" Dylan had now crossed the boundary and had tapped into every trait that Van had given him.

"Dylan!" Hitomi chided, "what's gotten into you!"

Dylan glared at her, sending shivers down her spine, never had she seen this side to him and never had she seen Van in him so much as she did there. There was a split second where she thought his eyes had turned red even.

The glare had sent her into silence, she had no idea what to do.

"Dylan shut-up and sit down!" Someone ordered as they came into the room.

This voice was very unfamiliar to him, but something about their tone made him immediately obey. He was a tall man who Dylan had never seen before, or so he thought. Dylan quickly took in the defining factors of the man's appearance; there was a tear tattooed under his right eye and his hair was a pale teal. There was a vague familiarity to him but still there was no recollection of him in Dylan's memory.

"Damn... you're way more like Van than I thought," he said to himself.

Dylan frowned wondering why the comparison had been made.

The man pulled up a chair so he was sitting opposite to Dylan, "do you know who I am?"

Dylan shook his head stubbornly.

The man kissed his teeth and let out a breath, "I'm Folken, your uncle; your Dad's brother."

Dylan's eyes dodged around while his body remained perfectly still, then he slowly turned his head to look at his mother. Hitomi was keeping a close eye on the two of them, although her gaze was hard when she looked at Folken. Dylan had remembered how much she disliked him so he wasn't exactly sure how to react and why she had let him in the house.

"Okay..." Dylan said slowly, "but that still doesn't explain anything."

"He's a quick one Hitomi," Folken said sarcastically as he turned to her.

Hitomi made a face at him as she mouthed a 'fuck you' at him.

By now everyone was staring at the two of them. Lise had been informed of the situation and all she could do was stand there in silence while she watched the situation unfold. Everyone was there it seemed, just staring at them; Allen, Gaddes, Millerna, Dryden, Eries and even both sets of grandparents were there. It was incredibly weird to see all these people in his house and he hated that they knew something he didn't.

"Now, do you want to let me talk, and not interrupt? Maybe that way you'll get a better understanding of the situation," Folken said harshly, obviously annoyed with Dylan.

Dylan glared at him, he didn't like being belittled and treated like a child.

"Good. Do you know how your dad died?" Folken asked.

Dylan was hit off guard, it was such a change in tone and it had been the last thing Dylan had expected to have been brought up. "Overdose..." Dylan said slowly.

Folken nodded, "basically, well I gave him most of the drugs. He hadn't touched any since you were born--"

"Why are you telling me this?" Dylan asked, now he completely understood why his mother had hated him so much.

"Why don't you shut-up and let me finish," Folken told him.

Dylan hated that he had to listen to Folken, but he complied anyway.

"As I was saying, when he died he had traces of a lot of narcotics in his system. He'd been doing them for almost the entire tour," Folken continued.

Dylan felt like this was some way to get him to hate his father, and he didn't like it at all.

"One night, about a week before he died, he had a major drug trip and almost killed himself then, after that he had stopped entirely. Except for when we found him, he had an accidental overdose of Heroin by finishing it up. When we found him he was still warm, so we rushed him to the hospital and he was announced dead. Your dad was dead for almost an hour when we called your mom to let her know," Folken explained.

By now Hitomi had left the room afraid that she would go into hysterics, Dylan could hear the water turn on and off in the kitchen before she came back. The fact that his mother was getting so flustered made him even more curious to what was going on, and all he wanted was the bottom line. However, because he didn't want Folken to bitch at him again he remained quiet and listened.

"After we called her something happened; your dad went into a coma. He somehow came back and slipped into a coma," Folken paused to let Dylan absorb what he had just said.

Dylan was wide-eyed, and for the first time he wasn't able to say anything. It was as if his mind stopped working and all that was there was shock.

"Dylan your Dad's alive, he woke up yesterday," Folken told him.

Dylan just sat there for a few minutes trying to soak everything up, and felt absolutely helpless. There were so many emotions going through him that he couldn't hold onto one, every time he wanted to voice one another would stop him. Finally his thoughts drifted to confusion and anger towards Folken.

"Why are you only telling us this now!" Dylan yelled, refusing to sit any longer.

Folken was silent for a second, "it wouldn't have sped up time."

Dylan wanted to hit him, "that doesn't mean you continue to have his wife and child believe he's dead! I'm pretty sure knowing he was in a coma is a lot better than believing he was dead! Fuck, and you thought I was stupid!"

Dylan didn't swear that often, but right now he felt like it was the only way he communicate how angry he was. The adult in Hitomi wanted to scold Dylan for being so rude, but true feelings were the same, and hypocrisy was not like her.

"So what does this mean? What made you decide to tell us now, why not have us continue to believe he was dead? Did your conscience catch up with you?" Dylan seethed.

"The doctors called your mother earlier today to tell her he was awake, they're transferring him to the closest hospital, he needs physical therapy to walk," Folken told him calmly.

"When can we see him?" Dylan asked.

"Tomorrow," Hitomi answered for him.

* * *

I** hope that satisfied some of you. **

**I have some illustrations of Dylan and Lise, and Hitomi if any of you are interested in seeing what they look like... I'm a bit scared to try and draw Van... **

**I can't post direct links in chapters so I'll put them on my profile, but I can put the URL for them here, just take out the spaces when you type it into the address bar.**

**Dylan and Lise: http: / / vanoku. deviant art. com /art/ Resentment -95157557**

**Hitomi: http: / /vanoku. deviant art. com /art/ Red-Dress -95150797**


	16. New Realization

* * *

I hope those of you that continued reading were satisfied, and got to see the illustrations. Let me know what you think of both, there will be more of each.

* * *

Everything felt weird and unfamiliar, he could hear distant noises muffled behind the blank white walls of the room. Muted yells and beeps sounded from everywhere beyond his room, everything was in a state of chaos. In his room, it was quiet and calm, nothing stirred and nothing sounded. He remembered this feeling, it was one of the last things he was surrounded by; silence and white.

He wasn't exactly sure of what was going on, but he noticed that all the bruises on his arms were gone and the colouring was back in his skin. The last thing he remembered was taking the shot of Heroin then blacking out, but something felt weird about this. He realized a hospital would do that but he had never felt like this after coming out of a drug overdose. He expected the doctors to tell him what was going on, but instead they had told him nothing, they had made him do all the talking. The only thing they had told him was that he would need physical therapy and he was being transfered to a hospital in Long Beach.

What time was it? What day was it?

He hated this feeling, he was so oblivious to everything he felt like a child. He had no idea what was going on and he was incredibly disconnected from everything. Suddenly he thought of Hitomi, then Dylan then the rest of his band. Quickly he searched the room for a phone, which was sitting on the table beside his bed. He twisted his body to dial the number, which took great effort to remember.

The phone rang a few times before a young girl answered the phone, "hello?"

Van was very confused, "who the hell is this?" he asked without thinking.

The girl was a little shocked, "um, I beg your pardon?"

"Sorry, who is this?" he apologized.

"Lise," she said.

_Lise_, he had no idea who that was, and immediately thought he had the wrong number, "uh I think I've got the wrong number, sorry about that."

Slowly he hung up trying to figure out how he could have gotten his own phone number wrong.

"Man... I've gotta stop doing drugs," he breathed as he ran a hand through his hair, which had grown quite a bit, "what the fuck? Hair doesn't grow that fast."

Just then the door opened, a woman who looked to be in her thirties walked in. As Van looked up he immediately recognized her, for a second she just stared at him ready to cry.

"Hit--" he started, but she threw herself into his arms before he could finish.

At first he was a bit startled as he hit the head of the bed, but as he felt her begin to cry his arms quickly melted into a warm embrace.

"Whoa... what's going on Tome? What's with the tears?" he asked gently.

Slowly she pulled away to look at him. The tears had not stopped, but she was afraid to blink for fear that she might lose him again. As he brought a hand to her face to wipe the tears away, she pressed her cheek into his palm, wanting never to be away from him again.

"I love you so much," she whispered, and couldn't stop, she needed to confess everything she could at that moment in case she never got another chance, "I can't live without you, I need you."

Van gave her a strange look, he had never seen her like this, "Hitomi, what are you talking about?"

She smiled at the mention of her name, she loved the sound of his voice and she loved hearing it again, after she thought she never would.

"Tome, where's Dylan?" he asked in concern.

She let out a hiccup and a laugh, "he's outside."

"Why didn't you bring him in? Is he okay?" he asked.

Hitomi still had her face rested against his hand, and by now she was holding on to it. She smiled at his question, she loved that he hadn't forgotten anything.

"He's wonderful, he's beautiful; he looks just like you," she smiled.

"Hitomi," he said, "why are you crying?"

"Van... I thought you were dead..." she told him as new tears escaped and her smile faded.

He frowned, "what?"

"When you overdosed you were pronounced dead... that was fifteen years ago," she told him, "you've been in a coma ever since."

Hitomi had started crying again, as Van tried to fathom what she was saying. He was silent for a very long time, and had no idea what to say.

"I only found out you were alive yesterday," she said.

"God..." he breathed, " I missed out on so much."

Hitomi was silent.

"I'm sorry Tome... I never would have wanted you to go through that," he told her as he moved his focus to her once again.

Hitomi wiped the tears from her eyes and forced a smile. She desperately wanted to kiss him, she wanted him more than anything, her body craved him. Without him really noticing, she moved her face closer to him and gently placed a kiss on his cheek. Before she could move her head away, he moved his fast enough so that he would catch her lips. It was a rather aggressive kiss, for both of them, seeing as they hadn't had any sexual contact in fifteen years.

As they pulled apart Hitomi felt a wave of excitement and joy she hadn't felt in years. It was as if she was thrown back into her twenties, when she was happy and pregnant. His kiss hadn't changed at all, she still felt goosebumps when he touched her and she was still hopelessly in love with him.

As she looked at him, trying to memorize his features, she couldn't help thinking he hadn't changed. If it was possible he was even more beautiful than before. That thought put a bit of a damper on things, she found it unfair that she had aged where as he was still perfectly preserved in his twenties.

They remained for a while with their foreheads touching, just relishing in the other's presence without words.

Finally after some time, Hitomi spoke, "would you like to meet your son?"

Van could only say one thing, "yes."

Hitomi slowly got up and walked to the door, drying her eyes in the process. Within a few minutes someone else began to walk through the doorway. They were at least a head taller than Hitomi with hair as black as ebony. Hitomi closed the door after him and allowed the two of them to take the other in.

"Dylan, this is your father," Hitomi said softly.

Dylan had no idea what to do, and neither did his father. Considering Dylan was the only one with legs that could walk, he was obligated to close the space between them.

"Do you still eat flowers?" Van asked.

Dylan looked a little taken off guard, but then he relaxed and smiled with his response, "do you still take drugs?"

Van was at a loss for words, "that was good."

Dylan shrugged as a smirk came to his face, he was beginning to feel excited about having his father back in his life. Suddenly he thought of something that might make his father quite happy, " your records have been doing really well."

"Really?" Van asked.

"Yeah, everyone talks about you and your band," Dylan told him as he sat down in a chair lining the side of the bed.

"I'll be back," Hitomi said as she left the room.

Now both of them were alone, there were so many things Dylan had wanted to ask him, but now when he had the chance he had no idea where to start.

"How old are you?" Dylan asked finally.

"Currently?" Van asked.

Dylan raised his eyebrows.

"I think I'm... hold on, well I was twenty-six when you were born... I apparently died a year later, so that would make me... forty-two..._Forty-two! _Holy shit I'm old!" Van exclaimed.

Dylan started laughing, " if it helps you don't really look any older."

Van gave him a strange look, then bombarded Dylan with sarcasm," you remember what I looked like? Man, that's insane, don't do drugs that memory is awesome."

"Fuck you're perma-fried," Dylan said.

Van shrugged, "I was a drug addict..."

"You looked like a good dad...Dad," Dylan said softly after some time.

Van looked at him, wishing that he had been there to watch him grow up.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there," Van said.

Dylan had wished that they were close enough to let it go, but they weren't this relation ship would take time to build, luckily there had been no bitterness or the whole situation would have been that much harder.

"What are you going to do?" Dylan asked, changing the subject.

Van quickly noted that as a trait from Hitomi, she didn't like awkwardness so she would change the subject to break the tension.

"About what?" Van asked.

"Everything," Dylan answered, "you've missed out on a hell of a lot."

"Well for starters, I'm going to have to learn how to walk..." Van said dismally, "never thought I'd have to do that again."

"The roles have reversed," Dylan said.

"Not exactly, I can still feed myself and wipe my own ass," Van retorted.

Dylan suddenly felt awkward, "well... that was uncomfortable."

"You walked into it," Van said.

"Allen has a daughter," Dylan said.

Van's eyes widened, "man I thought he'd be single forever, did he ever take that stick out of his ass?"

Dylan shrugged, " I've only known him one way. Mom says he was really guilt-ridden when they thought you were dead."

"Damn... he had to deal with a lot of my shit, sometimes I would pawn off my guitars in order to get money for Heroin," Van told him.

Dylan wasn't sure what to say so he stayed in silence.

"But I want you to know, I wasn't doing it when your mom was pregnant... for the most part, when you were born I was... I was _really_ high when your mom went into labour, after that though I was clean until we went on tour," Van explained.

"You have one fucked brother," Dylan said.

Van frowned, "you've met your uncle?"

Dylan nodded, " he was the one who told me what was going on."

"He knew?" Van asked.

Dylan nodded, " apparently, he knew for the whole time and didn't tell us."

Van was shocked, " why?"

Dylan shrugged, " I don't know."

"Isn't that illegal?" Van asked.

Dylan shook his head, "the doctors had already linked you with family, and they hadn't been told that you had a wife and child so, there wasn't much that could be done. Folken was the only one that knew."

"That's messed up," Van said, then suddenly changed the subject as a new thought entered his head, "do you still live in the same place?"

Dylan looked a little confused, "uh... I think so."

"Bitchy neighbour, tight ass prude?" Van said.

"Hates music?" Dylan asked.

"Yeah," Van said.

Dylan nodded.

"Do you have a sister?" Van asked.

Dylan almost laughed, "no."

"Then why did some girl by the name of 'Lise' answer your phone?"

Dylan was laughing now, "that's Allen's daughter."


	17. At It Again

hello friends! I am back!

enjoy

* * *

Finally three o'clock, Dylan would be mosying out those doors withing minutes, along with all the other children. He was the only one to walk slowly and take his time, he wasn't in any rush. It wasn't that he wasn't excited to see his mother, there was just never any part of him that felt it was necessary to run. No one could rush him.

Hitomi watched carefully as he made his little journey to where she stood by the entrance to the school yard. A lazy smile placed on his face; just like his father's. It had been five years since Van's death and every time she looked at Dylan her chest constricted a little. As the other children flew past Dylan, he continued at his slow relaxed pace.

There was something truly awful to Hitomi about picking Dylan up from school. It wasn't the fact that he walked slowly, it was the fact that she had to listen to the mothers around her whispering about how bad Dylan's father was. She had been close, several times, to going over to one of them and giving it to them, but that would have only made matters worse. Hitom's ears burned as Dylan finally reached her and held out a small envelope.

"What's this?" she asked.

Dylan shrugged, the lazy smile still there.

Hitomi raised an eyebrow and opened the mysterious letter.

It was an invitation to a birthday party; parents invited too.

"What is it mommy?" Dylan asked as she took his hand and they began walking home.

"It's an invitation to a birthday party," Hitomi explained.

"Can I go?" Dylan asked.

Hitomi ruffled his black hair, "yeah..."

--

Dylan had been uncharacteristically excited about the party right up until they reached the house, while Hitomi had been regretting it. The house was massive, it seemed ridiculous that a family of three should live in such an establishment. The two of them entered the great house in awe, neither of them had seen luxury quite like this. Within moments, a woman came to the door and greeted them graciously thenled them to the back yard. As soon as Dylan caught sight of the pool, all reason had left him and he bolted to the deck. Hitomi made a futile attempt to get him to come back to her but Dylan was submerged in children before her words even reached him.

Hitomi stood there for a moment watching her son, not knowing what to do. It was only when the other mothers came to her that she was distracted enough to even take her eyes off him. The women had coaxed her over to the patio, there was a clear divisio between the woman and the men and children.

Almost by force, Hitomi was given an ice tea and seated right in the centre of the women.

"Tell me..." the woman began, pausing because she had no idea what Hitomi's name was.

"Hitomi," she filled in politely.

"Right, right. I'm Felix's mother; the birthday boy," she explained.

Hitomi smiled uncomfortably and watched the women around her. After taking in their appearances, she felt very out of place, not only was she much younger, but she was very different from their style.

"You have a lovely home," Hitomi said after an awkward silence.

"Why, thank you Hitomi," the way she said her name, made Hitomi cringe a little.

"I'm sorry, I didn't get your name," Hitomi said.

"It's Charlene," she answered.

"That's very... appropriate..." Hitomi stalled as she took a sip of her drink. The name was right out of a soap opera.

"Tell me Hitomi, which one is Dylan's father?" a woman beside Charlene asked.

"His father isn't here," Hitomi said, not wanting to spill a private story.

All the women exchanged glances, "ohh..."

"Why is that?" Charlene asked.

Hitomi wasn't sure how to answer, "he... Van's not..."

"_Business trip_?" one of the women suggested.

"Oh dear... you know he's cheating there," another commented.

"That's sick, you need to leave him," Charlene finished.

Hitomi was getting a little angry, "my husband is _not _on a business trip, and he is _not_ cheating on me."

"If you say so..." a woman said.

"Thank you ladies, for your insight, but I know my husband wouldn't and couldn't cheat on me," Hitomi explained.

The women looked skeptical, Charlene opened her mouth to speak but Hitomi acted like she didn't notice.

"My husband died five years ago, he was a wonderful father while he was alive. Now I hope that stops your chatter about my family and all your assumptions," Hitomi concluded as she left the group of now silent women.

As she walked away she muttered some curses under her breath, it wasn't until a yell coming from the pool area caught her attention.

Quickly Hitomi made her way over to the pool, one of the fathers was pulling a child out of the water. Immediately her motherly instinct kicked in and she meandered around the children and parents to see who the child was. It was clear, before she even saw the child that her worst fears were real. Dylan's little body lay motionless on the warm pavement surrounding the pool.

Hitomi let out a stifled cry, she couldn't lose that little boy. Stumbling she bolted to his side, she had no idea what to do and her helplessness annoyed her. Suddenly a man she didn't recognize was in front of her. Hitomi was in such a state of shock that she didn't realize what was going on until Dylan's green eyes re-opened.

--

That had been the second time she had almost lost Dylan. His curiosity had gotten him into a lot of dangerous situations, and that was what made her worry about him.

It was a surreal feeling to have Van back in her life, they had lost so much time and yet he remained as youthful as ever. In a few days he would be home with her, he would be reacquainted with everyone and things would have to settle. Dylan would have his father back, and she would have her husband.

Hitomi had been sitting in her room looking at old photo albums, when she heard Dylan coming in. Quickly she put down the book and walked out to greet him.

"Hey," Hitomi said softly as he threw his bag down on the ground.

"Hey," he breathed as he walked past her into the kitchen.

Hitomi had always been on good terms with her son, so it was weird to see him acting like this.

"How was school?" she hated small talk, and had always been bad with it. That had never been an issue with Van, he had always been so forward and such a people person that he never made a situation awkward, he never needed small talk, things were just comfortable with him.

"Fine," Dylan answered breifly, taking a glass from the cupboard.

There were a few minutes of silence before Dylan spoke.

"We're doing this stupid thing in English, where we're _getting to_ _know_ everybody," Dylan said vaguely, annoyance lining his tone.

"What's wrong with that?" Hitomi asked, she had loved english, and even minored in it during university.

"People get too touchy when someone talks about a death..." Dylan continued after chugging a glass of milk.

"You mean like you?" Hitomi asked.

Dylan looked at her, " it's just weird having people feel sorry for you."

"I don't think they need to now," Hitomi said.

"No, they find some reason... I mean the teacher took me outside the class today to _apologize_," Dylan explained.

"That's bad?" Hitomi asked.

"I'm not a girl, I don't need their pity," Dylan told her.

Hitomi laughed, "you sound like your father."

"Thanks...?" Dylan hesitated.

Hitomi shrugged, "he's coming home on Friday."

A smile spread across Dylan's face, he hadn't expected himself to be so excited over someone he hadn't ever really known.

"Mom?" Dylan asked.

Hitomi looked at him, "Mhmm?"

"Are you happy?"

Hitomi raised her eyebrows, " I think so... I'm still trying to get my head around it, I mean I can't believe he's alive."

"It sucks that he missed out on so much..." Dylan mused.

Hitomi nodded in agreement, "you still have graduation though."

Dylan smiled.

"You can show him all your many girlfriends," Hitomi laughed.

Dylan shuddered.

Hitomi laughed out loud, "you know, he had a fan club too."

"He was famous mom," Dylan counteracted.

"Not like that, the girls loved him; especially Merle," Hitomi told him.

"_His sister?_" Dylan asked incredulously.

Hitomi laughed again, " she isn't his sister, he just refers to her like that, they've known each other forever. She hated me, the bitterness was still present when I got pregnant too."

Dylan stared at his mother, "how are things now?"

Hitomi smiled, "I'm under the impression we're on good terms."

"Lise is brutal..." Dylan said after a while.

Hitomi started full out laughing, it was incredible, it seemed so long since she had laughed that hard.

Dylan stared at her, never had he seen her like this, "uh... mom?"

"Ohh," she sighed as she wiped the tears from her eyes, "you're your father's son."

"That seems a logical assumption," Dylan observed.

"It's ironic, because just before I had met your father I had the same complex Lise has for Allen," Hitomi told him.

"That's uncomfortable," Dylan stated.

Hitomi's expression flattened, "you're uncomfortable."

"Nice mom, that was good," Dylan retalliated sarcastically.

* * *

Finally Van was home, but he wasn't dealing with it well. He had barely walked in the door and was already getting babied by Hitomi.

"Hitomi! I'm not an invalid... I'm just a little unstable," Van explained.

"Van, you've just come out of a fifteen year coma, and you think your a _little unstable_?" Hitomi retorted.

"Yeah," Van said shortly as he walked in the house.

"You're such a man!" Hitomi grunted.

"I should hope so," Van asked as he walked through the house, "hey where are my guitars?"

"Dylan's room," Hitomi called, following after him.

Van walked to the room he remembered to be Dylans, where a lot had changed. The clean, pastel blue walls were now covered in paint and other media, along with sheet music tacked up randomly and the odd poster. The crib had evolved into a single bed, piled with a lump of plaid sheets. Pieces of clothes decorated the floor, while three beautiful guitars sat at the foot of his bed.

"I guess he grew out of his crib," Van stated from the doorway.

Hitomi didn't know whether to laugh or not, so instead she smiled cautiously and stayed silent.

Van entered the room and picked up the acoustic guitar, testing a few of the strings. It was in tune, perfectly.

Hitomi watched from the doorway, as her husband played his way back into her life.

"I don't know how I lived without you," Hitomi whispered.

Van looked up, as he let the chords fade into the silence.

"I wasn't able to function for the longest time, I guess I just got used to disappointment, but seeing you back here makes me question all of it," she said quietly.

Van was about to get up but she stopped him.

"No, please don't stop, I've missed it," she told him.

Van relaxed again, and gave her a thankful smile, as his hands floated over the strings like he had never stopped.


End file.
